Some people in blogland like to paint this pretty little picture of their perfect little families and how everything is joyous and lovely all.the.time. I know, it's rather easy to put your best foot forward when you're in control behind a computer screen, and perhaps I'm guilty at times, but let's face it...It can get annoying super duper fast and make others feel really inadequate. So I might adore my children tomorrow and feel better about how my parenting is working, but today I'm cranky and I'm tired and mommyhood seems more of a really really giant mountain... a snow covered mountain covered with mountain lions that I really can't climb... don't want to climb with a smile on my face.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm not one to sugar-coat things. I don't have as much of an 'edit' button in my head as I should sometimes. I prefer transparency and sometimes brutal honesty to the fairytale when it comes to really any situation that has my feelings attached. The reason for all of this today?
The Golden Rule...
Sometimes I'm just certain that my kids are the only ones on the face of God's green Earth that just don't get it. Actually... the more disturbing part is that they absolutely DO get it, but are choosing to not live it. And I've had it!
The biggest problem I see is that essentially we have two different age groups... and the older kids are generally really stinking at setting a great example for the little kids... and so I'm seeing my sweet innocent little girls whom I absolutely adore become snappy, disrespectful, loud, and sometimes physical, they are telling little lies here and there and testing the boundaries and all six of them are now doing it at the same time. Well, it's still hard to ever be upset at Vivs with those big blue eyes... she's still an innocent little love.
{SCREAM}
Does anyone else feel like your kids make it super hard to love them fully and completely all the time? Am I the only one who sometimes struggles with these awful feelings at times? Maybe love is the wrong word... but how 'bout LIKE? Do we have to like our children all the times? I know I certainly don't like what they do and how they act- and they know it.
I remember years ago a friend told me that she literally had to pray daily for guidance for how to love her child because he was so difficult and had brought so many different challenges into her life. I remember thinking, 'Wow... I can't even imagine feeling that way about your own child!' Serves me right for judging her inside my head. Truly, though... I usually do adore my kids... they ARE good kids full of great traits and I have many reasons to be grateful most days. But...
Even after a family home evening last night about order in our home and making a very short & simple list of family goals to achieve 'order,' one being the golden rule {seriously, how hard is that really?} This morning one (to remain unnamed) told another that "I wish you never were born" and they continued to battle and punch each other with their words. This is just one little example of what they do to each other. Sometimes I want to just press the rewind button and start all over like 10 years ago. Maybe it's US and not them.
A couple weeks ago we decided that if they said something inappropriate tabasco was the answer for the older kids, soap for the little ones. Only when Monson was the first to get it this was his reaction: "Wow, Mom, this is good stuff!" So I piled it on and gave him like 10 drops of the hot stuff. He still loved it. Reminded me of my brother, Brett, & his love affair with tabasco and alum when the same thing happened to him as a kid. Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up in the air cause I'm tired of beating my head against the wall.
So now they're pulling weeds. Keep it coming and test us, kids... cause there's a lot of weeds and once our yard is immaculate I'm not afraid to send you to the neighbor's house or the park to pull theirs too.
Or maybe I just need some dark chocolate & a vacation?
17 comments:
i think this is why we're friends. cause we're honest. i love your brutal honesty throughtout. it's so refreshing, for sure! you're a great mom, doing a great job. don't doubt it.
If you ask my parents I am beyond sure that they will tell you that sometimes they didn't LIKE me at all....and probably Trina too. :) I don't think there's one thing abnormal about anything you said....we ALL feel it. I look at my girls sometimes and wonder why on earth they think it's OK to be so mean to each other....and we try SO hard....sigh... It's all about continuing to try, right??
And really Shay - this has been such a stressful year for your family. I'm sure everyone feels it to some degree. I'm sure happier, more calm times are ahead!
Amen sistah!javascript:void(0)
You are the best mommy ever. Keep up the hard work your kids will be very thankful in the long run. You are raising amazing kids even though at the times it is very hard. I love your honesty. Miss you and your family tons!!!
Solution - send them, a couple at a time, to live with Ama on the farm. They will be pleading to come home and be nice so they won't have to clean up the dog kennel a couple of times a day. I know my neighbor would welcome the "service".
Shay, what I found helped me was to sit on the floor in the shower, with the shower on and cry my eyes out, After a night of that I was able to take on the next day. You just need a spa day, and this is about the closest you can get right now.
Maybe do a "apple cart upside down" thing. Put six pieces of paper in a bag. Number two of the ONE, another two TWO and the last set THREE. Now each child has to pull out one card and find out who will be their room mate and chore mate for the next week. Any complaints then privileges are taken away from both. Anything works great, them both get privileges. You might be surprised at how they will be able to work together, with a plan.
You're creative, this should be fun - have them help come up with the privileges and consequences, and hold them to it. A week should be enough for the to change attitudes.
I am having the same problem with Emma right now and have for a long time. She is not mean to Cooper, but she is in such a complaining (about EVERYTHING), disrespectful, rude,sassy stage right now. The other night I told her I was going to send her to a boarding school because I didn't know what else to do to help her. She cried and said she would do better -- that lasted a night and the next day. I too have to pray for help -- hopefully she grows out of it at some point. Wow, it is so challenging. Sometimes, I want to run away. Thanks for sharing! I love your posts.
Oh, bless your heart! We ALLLLLL feel this way at times. Just last night Pie and I had a heart to heart about our eldest and the difficulties were are having trying to parent him. It's hard! And our big kids are teaching little brother all sorts of bad behaviors too. Some days you just wanna cry. I love the weeding idea--too bad we have real winter here and so we don't even have weeds (or anything else green) for half the year.
Just keep climbing that mountain and know that all the rest of us parents are right there with you.
Sounds like you are doing a great job as their mom. I think there are times when we all don't like our kids. We love them, but don't really like them. Putting them to work sounds like a great idea!
And this is supposed to help me want to have kids? Yikes. At least when/if that happens, your older kids will be old enough to take them off my hands every now and then!
I'm so glad that I am not the only one. I have really been struggling with this lately...thanks for sharing so that I don't feel like the worst mom in the world!
Don't forget that part of the problem right now isn't your kids at all but your life situation. It makes the nerves a little shorter. Hang in there & keep being the mean mom & eventually your kids will turn out great. Eventually.
p.s. I LOVE the photo of your kids. The hints of blue are gorgeous. Don't forget that I can give you prints for cost from professional printing companies.
I HEAR you! Rest assured, you are NOT alone (you just have a bigger dose than most of us!). I ask myself these very questions on a daily basis. You are a GREAT mom and you will find your way through this. And when you do, let me know what works :) My boys just taught the babies to whine "maaaaaaaam", isn't that lovely?
ummm, YES!!!! To all that! :)
I just love you! My sister said it best when she reminded me that we all love our kids unconditionally. It's just hard to like them unconditionally!
About a year ago, I was watching this show called "world's strictest parents", where hooligan teenagers get shipped off to strict parents' homes for a week to work the hooligan out of them. My favorite was this dad who used digging holes as punishment. They had to dig a perfectly round hole in the ground, six inches deep, he came out and measured it, and the hole had to meet his standards. Once he gave the seal of approval, they filled the hole back up. If they kept acting up, he'd send them out to dig and fill holes, even if it took all day long. It usually didn't since they lived in the desert and the ground was rock hard!
You can do this! I know sometimes life feels hopeless (don't I know it) and nerves are short and frazzled. You are super creative and can do this with the flair that only Shay can give! :)
Oh, and when you get a chance, can you email me and tell me HOW you went to the NICU for over 100 days and stayed sane????????? It's been 33 days and I'm already wiped out.
Love this post Shayla! Amen to everything you said! I laughed out loud a few times. I love you, and the way you write and paint a vivid picture. Thinking about you! Julie
I know that I am SOOOO behind on my blog reading, but I hear ya on this one. I'm not sure if I would have agreed with you, say a couple of months ago, but right now Mattie and Reddin are both testing me constantly! Mattie has gotten quite sassy since starting school. She talks back and fights me on just about everything! My sweet Reddin has turned into the world's loudest screamer, and I don't know how to break him of it. Maybe its because he can't communicate very well, but I'm telling you he scream all of the time! Good luck with your munchkins and know that you are a fabulous mom!
Hi Shay,
I'm pretty new and unfamiliar with Blogger but I wanted to touch base with you and let you know that my family and I were the recipients of one of your awesome holiday cheer baskets at Sharp Mary Birch NICU. I wanted to say thank you so much and I hope to stay in touch and possibly help out with next year's baskets. I'm so sorry our thank you is so late, but as you can imagine it's been a pretty rough road. Our son Noah is home now after 90 days in the NICU! Please email me at mvp143 at gmail dot com so we can exchange contact info. Again, thank you so much!!!
Veronica
I seem to say that often enough around here. "I LOVE you. I just don't LIKE your actions."
I'm pretty sure Marla's parents adored her 100% of the time too - it was Trina who was the mischievous one. :) Marla was a golden child...right?
Come enter the giveaway on my blog today and if you win you can use it as bribery for the girls. (I love that!) :)
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