Just Rest

So I was reading O magazine... I'm actually not a freaky Oprah fan and I rarely even tivo her show, but I enjoy her magazine and I especially enjoy that it is a free years' subscription.  Martha Beck wrote an article on the hidden blessings of life's little low points and it just spoke to me in a way that hit home with a concept that I just haven't fully been able to accept... until now.  And most of this, I quote:

We live in an up-and-down, ebb-and-flow universe, yet we'd much rather flow than ebb.  When we find ourselves in the troughs between the peaks of life, some of us become resistant... and some of us panic.

Ruined plans and unfulfilled expectations remind us that we have little control over most situations and that our very lives {situations} are -- temporary.  We resist every downturn, we clutch at straws, passionately embrace denial, or pretend things won't go wrong... even when they already have.

If you're going into a valley, do what you did as a small kid on the big shiny playground slide: 


Let go and ride it down. 

I loved that... so simple, and yet, so complex.  We want the sun to shine all day and night and when it doesn't, we create cities that never sleep.  These ebbs hold a message for us... in the form of one simple blessed word... REST.

Have you ever just watched animals?  When nothing's working for them no matter how hard they try, they curl up or stretch out and surrender.  They love the valley of the shadow:  It's a dim, quiet, perfect place to gather strength.  Animals rest like they mean it.  Humans rest in a state of anxiety, guilt, and unease.  We don't mean it.  This keeps life's downtimes from fulfilling their natural function, which is to restore and heal.  Though we often see life's troughs as the universe's conspiracy to ruin us, they're actually our own true nature inviting us to lay down our weary heads.

Do nothing when nothing works.

And this doesn't mean to give up... it just means to surrender all the anxiety, the fear, the crazy and turn it over to God.  I need to appreciate my way out of my funk and listen to my life saying,  sorry, what was that?  Oh, yes.  Rest.  Until things improve and something starts to work, let's lie down in the cool shady valley... and rest like we mean it.  "

I know... not a total reality because Rest and Kids are oxy-morons.  But rather than trying to fix something that is not in my reach, I can take it as a hidden blessing, and attempt my version of REST.  Precisely why I have needed a good book in hand & my beach this summer.

Spontaneity all the way to Seattle

Unemployment does have some benefits.  Curt and I have been trying to figure out a way to run away to Seattle to visit our Pacific NorthWest Menzies for a few days before Curt's classes started up again.   We couldn't secure a nanny because the only capable one we could trust wasn't available.  We didn't feel like we could farm the kids out because it's summer-- and everyone is busy and in and out of town trying to have a vacay of their own-- who really wants more kids while they're tearing their hair out with the ones they have already?  And ours aren't the calm and quiet variety, so we didn't want to burden anyone.  We couldn't ask my mom because she's got enough on her plate and doesn't live close anyway.

So one day I just decided to look into flights... and a few hours later Monson (the lucky one) and I were headed to Santa Ana to jump on a flight to Seattle using Mark's flight benefits!  We figured the next best thing was for at least one of us to get away.... and Curt has an upcoming trip to Florida for his Masters' Colloquium.  So, Curt made the ultimate sacrifice (and believe me, leaving five kids with him was a sacrifice for him... AND the cheapest & best 'nanny' choice anyway).  And Monson & I escaped for a few days to visit with my brother and his fam.   We figured this could be an extension of Monson's birthday and since he didn't get to go to Seattle on the RV trip, this was his chance.  Luke & Hank were thrilled to have Monson there.  I knew before I went that Tallie would be leaving for a girls' weekend, so most of our time was spent with Mark and his cutie patooties, Luke & Hank.  It's fun to see Mark as a cute dad of two darling rowdy-rooter boys just like him!

We spent most of our time at Tallie's brother's wife's mother's home on Lake Washington.  We happened to be there on the two HOTTEST days of the year... so the lake was the only place to be.  The boys tubed, I tried to wake board, which was a first for me... got up once for like 2.0 seconds and then wiped out and could never even make it out of the water again. I pretty much sucked.  But it was fun trying!  I pretty much came away thinking our family could really love having a boat of our own.... someday.

Tallie's family came to the lake to hang out one eve and we had a fabulous BBQ and just enjoyed relaxing.  It's always such a joy to see her Mom & siblings because they all treat us like their own...  When Terra (Tallie's sis) left for their girls trip, Monson even embraced her and he said, "I love you!"  Instantly melted her heart.  We always know the warm welcome we'll receive when we visit Seattle.  

We took the boys to see Despicable Me (a must see in 3D), played lots, took the boys to swim lessons, and played some more.  I loved seeing the finished product of their labor of love 1940's bungalow.  They just remodeled the upstairs into a masters suite and it couldn't be more perfect... wish I took pics.  They've turned that little red home on the corner into an absolute masterpiece all on their own!

We wore the boys out everyday

cousins thrilled to be together again... AND on a boat.

How gorgeous is that!  Their dock is one of those in the background.

How darling is my Hanker-Doodle

The choppy waters were perfect for tubing

Tubing for two was even better!

Playing around the dock

I ate his cute face a few times...

My handsome bro...

Shay & Tal

Monson was in seventh heaven driving the boat with Uncle Mark

We flew home and Kevin & Brooke picked us up on their way to 

Temecula for some more Aunt/Uncle time....  lucky us!  More to come...

2009 McLaughlin Clan Notables

Fifteen.

"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are

something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for."

So I guess

I've got it all!

I had a G R A N D vision of how our 15th anniversary should play out...

A week-long trip back to Europe, or perhaps cruisin' the Caribbean somewhere...

(or an in-town hotel would do)

lots of 'US' time...uninterrupted, of course.

(for more than 2 straight minutes)

a couple of books I can actually finish

(and not have to read and re-read the first page 17 times before giving up)

Lots of sleep... daily naps, of course...

(and no human alarm to tap me & chant my name 20 times until I roll out of bed to make

'eggos with peanut butter, cut, with syrup' assembly-line-style)

A massage or two, shopping without an agenda,

rejuvenation, celebration, perhaps a 'new' ring after all these years

(blah blah blah)

Instead, we had a regular overnight date 200 miles from home in one of our favorite destinations... Santa Barbara

I showed Curt where my final resting spot will be (if I'm not twinkled first)...

really, it's the most lovely cemetery I've ever seen even though you can't tell through the marine layer. Yes, I think of weird things, but I've known since I was a teen that 'this is the place.' Morbid, I know. Or perhaps just efficient.

we had a lovely morning bike ride along the coast (heaven)

don't judge our fresh-out-of-bed look

I got my share of the ocean I have so missed these last few months

And the famous Jerry's Deli... as well as a nice anniversary dinner at Lucky's in SB

European antique shopping

and a movie.

Yup, we had a regular 'date' 200 miles from home. But we got some small-scale R&R

It was perfect & sweet

much like most of the last 15 years.

Happy big 15th, babe!

Wow, I'm a lucky girl.

If ever I need to smile...

I pull out my kids' artwork. Works every time.

I especially love the eyelashes... and all the sunshine.

I love this artwork

where I can see the world through my four-year-old's eyes

where everyone is happy and dancing.

Where there is so much brightness, hope.

Izzie has that affect on me...

and I especially needed to smile and see the simplicity of life through a child's eyes this weekend.

I got the sad news that a friend that was once very dear and close to me was killed in a freak car accident. He was only 42. His sweet family survived...all four boys and his wife.

When my friend sent me the news, I fell to my knees. I'm so thankful for the simple beauties in life. The simple joys, the little things Curt does to make me happy, the things the kids say that make me laugh out loud, the Gospel of Jesus Christ, our eternal families. My heart goes out to this family as they pick up the pieces and try to move on with a perspective that one day they'll see their beloved dad/husband again.

I love the new song my kids have been singing and humming around the house... It's such a simple message based off the

The Family: A Proclamation to the World and goes like this:

Izzie's portraits leave me in stitches...

and leave me with a smile in appreciation for the simple bounties...and families.

The never ending move

from this...

to this... it only took about 2 months total!

(and never again will we do a slow move)

Our never-ending move is finally done. Well, at least on the San Marcos end it's done. Does it really ever end? The organization? I think not. But I can finally breathe a sigh of relief and stay put in Temecula without those trips back to shove the leftovers in my car and see the dead grass, overgrown trees that were once flourishing and lovely, smell the nothingness and dust building in the house that once bustled with lots of noise & love. Truly, though... it was a blessing in disguise for more than a few reasons to go through this ordeal. I rest easy knowing that we did everything we could, from every angle to stay and that we're being guided in this crazy and sometimes cruel world.

Did I ever mention that our house was haunted when we first moved in? Seriously, it's a creepy story fit for a campfire if you haven't heard it yet. Curt had a 'ghostly' experience the last time he closed/locked the front door and said goodbye. Freaky. It had been about 5 weeks since we'd actually lived in our home. This spirt/ghost literally shoved him backwards a couple feet on his butt as he locked the door for the last time. For reals.

I had prepared myself for this big change, and I mostly worried about Brayden starting a new middle school after establishing himself with great friends and excelling at San Elijo. It makes me sad they won't have that same consistency Curt and I both had growing up going to ONE elementary and ONE middle school, but we're here, and we're going to embrace all of what Temecula has to offer. Anyone up for brunch in beautiful wine country sans the wine?

The move has been especially tough for me. We miss having the Parry's across the street, we miss friendly Joe and other neighbors always so excited to see the commotion and kids on the corner, we miss all the kids' friends, I miss my buds that I could always call to play, make a Fro Yo run, complain, or cry with that were so much a part of some life-changing experiences for our family. I miss that comfort zone! I miss the proximity to the coast and the ability to just get in the car and run down to the beach to watch the sunset, walk the boardwalk, or spend just an hour enjoying the surf. And I miss my ocean view from my balcony...it really did do something unexplainable for my soul.

The kids all had a really soft landing here in Temecula, for which I am grateful. They all have made some great friends quickly and have jumped into healthy and happy routines. Their schools are all top notch and amazing. Their teachers couldn't be better. It truly is a wonderful blessing to experience these physical changes and to always know there will always be a HUGE constant. Everywhere we go, we will always have the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Even though it's a different ward (congregation), it's like a built-in network of people that automatically care for you, are willing to help you, accept you, love you, and include you. For that constant, I am grateful. I was just called to teach Relief Society (the women in our church) and I'm nervous nelly even though I know I'll enjoy the new challenge.

Curt is in a Masters program right now (Psychology), and in another 1 1/2 years will be in a strenuous PhD program (he has his eye on neuro-psych) in an effort to reinvent himself, while still holding down the fort with his current job that pays the bills. Who knows where that will take us... who knows what adventures the next few years will bring us and where we'll end up when we are finally able to get back on our feet and purchase another home. I'm thankful for these experiences, even though they can really stink at times... it's just very temporary; we're on a good path and I think the sacrifices will be well worth it!

Feeling Nostalgic...

What makes a home?  

Is it the family and loved ones that share the walls with you?  

The colors you pick out to dress up the walls (and the colors they pick out to scribble up the walls)?  

The pillows you lovingly create for your family to lounge against (or to build forts and barbie houses with)?  

The decor and pictures that adorn the nooks and crannies (even the homemade Mothers Day variety)?  

The meals your family has come to call favorites (like top ramen, cream tuna, and don't forget the trusty oatmeal, waffles, and cold cereal...we're going for high class here...).  

Or perhaps the laughter and pitter-patter of feet that makes it come alive?

Or is it the bookshelf that holds your children's favorite bedtime stories?  

Or possibly the actual stories that are told within the walls of a home...from the scriptures, a favorite magazine, or from Izzie's amazing imagination?  

Is it music that fills the air?

For me, it's a little bit of all of them.  Certainly just having my family with me is enough.  But to me, there is a great appeal to homemaking.  Truly, It is an art.  I am the MAKER of our HOME.  That, coupled with being the mother of our home...What a greater calling could there possibly be?

I dusted the shelves and cleaned the house from top to bottom one last time... and then snapped away to document the walls of this home...this home that we are forced to walk away from.  This home that I have poured my heart and soul into as I have every other, this home that we wanted to raise the kids in and spread our roots...

But I'm okay with it.  Truly, it's a difficult situation but I can see the positives and the 'twisted' stability that will come out of this decision that we would not have made on our own.  The walls of our home will always be filled with that same love, the same crazy sounds of six children bustling about, the same aromas, the same care.  I may not be able to call it 'ours' and express myself freely, but it will still be 'a home'...  I will always be the Maker of our Home.

THAT IS, if someone will finally choose us and let us sign a lease!  We have been discriminated against in trying to secure the perfect place for our family.  It's been an eye-opening and truly astounding experience...frustrating, to say the least.  And the thing is...the ones who have 'rejected' us have actually come out and said, "the owner just doesn't want to rent to such a large family."  Excuse me, who else did you want to reside in a five bedroom 3000 sq ft+ home?  Something will work out soon... soon, we'll know what address we'll call 'home' this summer and beyond.

As we're sitting amongst some packed boxes and bare walls (I am trying to pace myself and not leave it for the last minute), I am soaking in the feelings I have for our current home...feeling a bit nostalgic.  There isn't a corner in this place that I haven't touched with love or that isn't saturated with memories...in only three short years.  

A few of my corners...  okay, a lot of my corners...  actually, EVERY corner.  Just so I'll never forget our 'castle.'