Brain Clouds

Why are all my posts SO LONG? I guess I have a lot to say. This IS my journal of-sorts. I make no apologies.

A few weeks ago my cute sister-in-law, Emily, so hilariously posted about momnesia and it just hit home like the words were taken right from my mouth! YES, momnesia IS a real thing. And YES, with each pregnancy your chances of recovery go down. I think I'm in trouble! I swear it's an actual diagnosis...an actual condition. Brain clouds. I think my chances of recovering those lost brain cells is nill. The only good news out of all of this is that there will be no more pregnancies for me. So my brain is what it is--can't get any worse, right? I don't do drugs or drink alcohol...so it is what it is???? The other day Curt asked me how I got so many bruises. I guess I also aimlessly run into things more often than I realized. I have scars to prove it from my forehead to my toes. Perhaps I need glasses. I'm really not a klutz.

Seriously, sometimes I just feel like I just have a mild case of the stupids. (I can hear my little girls 'outing' me because that's a bad word--) My brain just doesn't work sometimes...like there's clouds floating around inside and the sun can't peak through. Maybe I have an aneurysm. But mine isn't a gift like my second love, Eli Stone. (not him....the show..okay, he's kinda cute in a quirky way). The biggest culprit is in speaking intelligently. I think I'm an okay writer, but when it comes to publicly expressing myself it's like my vocabulary goes out the door and the stupids move in. Or at least that's how I feel sometimes.

I actually think I can rebuild my lost cells by challenging my brain a bit more. I know that I feel my scholar best when I'm in situations where I converse with physicians and have to speak and understand their level of intelligence. I've been asked dozens of times by MD's and specialists alike if I'm an RN or if I read medical journals as a hobby. So I know I can sound very educated. Maybe I just make the most of the situations we've been in? So maybe it's a clue that I've found my other love? Or at least that I'm capable? When I'm in those situations I dive in and study so that I can intelligently ask the questions and understand the conditions at hand. I've had plenty of opportunities for this in the past, oh, 15 months. (That I didn't ask for, by the way).

I have always wanted to go back to school and lately it's to become a Pediatric PA. Yes, I already have my BS in Elementary Education. I can't bring myself to manage 30+ kids only to be exhausted and come home to my six and then teach them too (without wanting to harm them or myself....) hoping I got the really important stuff in. But my degree has helped me do my part in raising our children thus far. I consider myself to be the bigger disciplinarian. I'm the one they come to first for homework help. I think I've helped earned their A's on too many school projects. But we're talking 2nd, 3rd, and 5th grade! Maybe I'll feel more intelligent as they get older. Or perhaps I should be taking some classes at the local college. I do want to more fully understand photography and lighting. I've tinkered with starting a photography business in my spare time. I can't dive into my PA studies yet because there is no PA School around here (Loma Linda is the closest) and so I don't know when or what I can do on that front...what requirements I'll have, etc. Plus, I have six kids ten and under! It will probably have to wait until the next decade.

For now, I guess I'll have to leave the momnesia, brain clouds, or case of the stupids....however one may coin it...to reading. I do enjoy it, I just don't choose to pleasure read all that often. Sure I have a pile of books in my nightstand. But none of them have captivated me. I thought the Jane Austen series would be my thing. Nope. Can't get into Emma even if it kills me. I've tried. My brain keeps drifting to the things I need to get done around the house. I stole (with permission) two books from my bro's bookshelf...by Mitch Albom. The Five People You Meet in Heaven, and Tuesdays with Morrie. Easy reads. Still sitting on the bookshelf. I read quite a bit during bedrest...didn't have many other choices of things to do. The one book I surprisingly enjoyed was The Secret Life of Bees. It was quirky and partially predictable, but I liked the lessons it taught, so it captivated me. Now it's the finding time and balancing thing. I don't always get my personal scripture reading in. In fact lately it's more of the exception than the rule. Sometimes I just stink. Look at me...I'm writing. I could be reading, I could be cleaning. I could be preparing for my primary class Sharing Time presentation next week. I could be doing the 8 loads of laundry that await me....I could be moving the girls furniture around or enjoying 80 degrees outside with the girls. I think I'll have the girls help me plant flowers in the courtyard. Over and out.

IT'S TIME!!!!

Having my sixth and LAST baby comes with so many wonderful up-sides....and a few downers. There's going to be a lot of 'lasts' with Viviana. I hope I can cherish her. I mean, I have had baby baby stage like forever now it seems. Some people plop out 3 month-ers at birth (Pam & Becky!!!) But it's an amazing feeling to know we're done...finally! The end! Two sets of children really...the first three are less than three years apart...and because Vivie decided to be a micro-preemie the last 3 are also less than three years apart. I've done my time. No more pregnancies! I've never enjoyed being preggers--really, I don't know who does. It rings in a new fresh feeling that we're done with the child-bearing phase of our lives. Now we just have to raise all these monkeys with gospel principles, values, lots of love & smarts in today's world. NO PROBLEMO! yeah right...and try to have some fun and a sense of humor along the way--quite an endeavor, I'd say.

But a big thing for me about having six kids in 10 years is that IT HAS REEKED HAVOC ON THIS poor, Poor, POOR 'OLE BODY OF MINE. I'm going to have to 2nd what my dearest friend, Marla said about being 30-something. (You have to go read her blog...she's a VERY funny writer---it's her coping mechanism I think).

So it's MY TURN! I've always managed to get back into shape with each child---it took much longer after Monson (he nursed the longest and apparently I become a chub when I nurse unlike most people--it's my curse). Now it appears as though the same thing happened with Vivie. I pumped for 7 long months for her until I just gave out. My body really likes this crazy fat and it doesn't want it to go away! It's not like I'm a little piggy though. I really do watch what goes in my mouth. I really do watch with glee every chocolate chip! hehehe

I try to exercise (okay...confession time...I haven't been back to the gym since bedrest almost a year ago)...OUCH. But there's a reason for that! I can't stand the thought of leaving Vivie in that daycare. Izzie and Lexie are fine, but I just know Vivie will get super sick if I leave her! But I do go through phases of walking my rear end off. Sure, come with me, try it...I dare you. I about killed Curt with the walk work out and I know Karyn and Malisa both think I rock (right, girls, you do, don't you?!)

I put Vivie in my trusty peanut shell sling and then strap the girls in the double Bob Revolution stroller with all their loot and off we go up and down the hills of San Elijo. I burn 500 cals every time and then I do weights when I come home. Okay, so I haven't really done it since Thanksgiving. But it feels so much better just talking about it! Today I strapped the girls in and walked Lexie to her dance class. I thought I was going to die and just couldn't bear the thought of pushing 100 +lbs plus wearing Vivie up those hills to come home. I pooped out and sweet Tammi who was there offered to take Lex home so I could stick Vivs in the stroller instead of WEARING her. (Thanks, Tammi!!!)

So this brings me to what this post is about (yeah, I know, get to the point already). IT'S TIME! It's time to do something more about my unwanted little friends and neighbors hiding out in my thighs, rear, love handles, belly and arms. When my kids tell me they want to see "my burrito" (you know, my belly) it pretty much means IT'S TIME. Seriously. I tried Jenny Craig and lost a few, but the holidays & peppermint bark got in the way! I'm telling you, my body likes where it's at and wants to keep the hiding friends it made over the last year.

The funny part is that obviously Vivie was born at 26 weeks so I didn't have the chance to get nice and round. I weighed 4 pounds more at her birth than I do now...EIGHT months later! Actually, it's not funny--it's downright wrong. There's a thinner, newer, spunkier Shay inside that needs to be let out! I just know what I'm comfortable with. And I'm not knocking or judging anyone else--everyone has her mojo and can be just fine and dandy in a different place. It's really not a vain thing. I just want to be my physical best that I can be for myself, Curt, and all the kids. I want to feel great in my own skin. I want to feel confident and fabulous. And I simply don't.

So I started this 'diet' called Dr. Cohen's 1st Personal Diet. This Doctor helps to restore hormone imbalances. This will also help my IBS and my kids will soon forget that mom toots. It's a plan geared just for me based on my metabolic panel I had drawn last week. And it's a very stringent, simple and a DIFFICULT deal. I saw the portions and what was 'prescribed' just for me and just about died. It couldn't be right! I'm certain this is what 'the stars' all do to slim down, besides the help from their personal trainers. At least it's all fruits, veggies, & proteins. No, seriously. I have to measure everything on a scale and for each meal it's spelled out. There are several options for each meal but for example for breakfast I can have 1 egg OR 2 egg whites and 45 grams of veggies.
So I can't photograph food. The blue plastic kids' IKEA plate doesn't help much to make it look appetizing either! It can be eaten in like 3 bites flat. That's how small the portion was. But I didn't feel hungry after I ate it either!

Lunch is 105 grams fish (I did tuna) and 120 grams of veggies. I chose tomato and my fav, cukes. Balsamic vinegar is my best friend right now. Don't you wish you could dine with me at lunchtime???

Dinner tonight was 115 grams of chicken, 105 grams of veggies. I made asparagus soup by liquifying the cooked chicken, asparagus, onions, garlic and homemade broth. My beloved crackers--it's such a random part of this plan! Have you ever noticed the different odor of your pee after eating asparagus? It's pretty potent and gross. I can't believe I just said that! It's true though. I know you're going to rush out and eat asparagus tomorrow.


I can have 3 fruits a day and 12 low-sodium saltine crackers. Random, I know. No oils, butters, no breads, no milk. Just fill up with plain water or herbal teas--diet coke, diet pepsi and diet sprite in moderation. Surprisingly it's do-able and I haven't felt hungry on it. I feel vibrant and hopeful. We'll see how cranky I am come the weekend! I just don't know how I'm going to EVER eat out on this. Sack dinner, here we go! We'll just have to be more creative for our Friday dates.

It's so drastic, but my body needs to be shocked into figuring out that it really doesn't want to keep these little friends hiding around my waist and all. SO, when I don't come hang out for dinner or take you up on your invitation to go out to lunch for the next few months--this is why. I'm dead serious about getting rid of my baby & nursing friends once and for all--never to return again! The kids need a healthy, happy momma and I'm sure Curt won't mind sleeping next to the former Shay! Wow, that was a long post. I need to chill out on being so verbose.

It's a game of TAG--I'm it! Things you may or may not know about me...

Allison 'tagged' me and so here are some things you may or may not know about me:

I'm grateful that Curt has a career that allows me to be a stay-at-home Mom. Yes, it's difficult at times--heaven knows we sure could use a second income and sometimes I wish I could trade places with Curt just to get a break!! Sometimes I want to poke my own eyeballs out and have to give myself time-outs! That is normal, right??? But there's nothing more rewarding and joyful for this season in my life which will disappear all too soon. I recognize the rewards for this privilege I have of staying home with our children. I'm thankful that MY babe, Curt, has full confidence in me! XXXOOXX

I have this adventurous streak--I have always wanted to hang glide off the Point of the Mountain in Draper, Utah. I never had the chance because I was pregnant for most of the last 3 years we lived there (miscarriage before Lex & Iz). It's not that I'm this crazy thrill-seeker ...maybe it's the desire to 'fly'- Curt reminds me of my responsibility to our six children and at the same time has taken out a hefty insurance policy on me--is he trying to tell me something? Maybe he has tamed me a little bit.


I'm a do-it-yourself-er. Maybe that's not a complete 'unknown' fact. But it gets kind of obsessive at times. I'm the type that has a hard time spending money on things that I can make or do myself. A lot of it is the thrill of a completed project or gained skill. We've saved a lot of money over the years--hey, I even learned how to change brakes on my car last year (thanks to detailed instructions from my brother over the phone and my neighbor's helping hand). I enjoy doing everything from baby bows/flowers, photography, vinyl signs, baby blankies/burpies/lovies, sewing custom drapery, pillows, duvets, painting, designing--you know, all the crafty cutesie homemaker stuff, to tiling, taking out the side of a deck to install stairs (with the help of brothers) and knocking a hole in a fence to install a gate for quick access to school (AF house). If there's a way for me to learn how to do it and the quality isn't compromised, I'd much rather take that route and gain a skill than spend the money to watch someone else do it. The jury is out on whether this is obsessive, frugal, resourceful...or a combination of all of that. (The pics are before/after I transformed my UT master bath from ripping out the carpet, installing slate, to re-staining cabinetry..what a project that was!)

I have a photographic memory for numbers. Whoppee right? Yeah, it doesn't really serve me well for anything but a convenience-I'm not a CPA or anything like that. But I can rattle off my credit card #'s and even their exp. dates, cvc codes and things like our phone number from when I was 5 years old and every address we've ever lived at (since I could read). If I've dialed your phone number more than once then it's probably stored somewhere in my memory bank. With the convenience of cell phones & their phone books I don't use my little 'whopee' memory as much as I could. Just one of those things that was passed on to me from my dad.

I'm proud of this next one----I am 34...been driving for 18 years...and I've NEVER had a speeding/traffic ticket! I can't say that I haven't deserved my fair share of them, but my dad always taught me to drive 'with the rear view mirror. ' I've been pulled over a handful of times, but escaped with a slap on my hand. I realize as I'm writing this that I'm probably jinxing myself, but that's a dang good streak--betcha none of you can say that about yourselves?!!! Shouldn't I receive some sort of major insurance discount or accolade for that achievement???

And lastly, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be 'when I grow up!' For this season it's an at-home mom. But I've always had the desire to go back and complete a masters degree. I used to think it would be in Special Ed ( I have a BS in Elementary Education), but as life's experiences change my needs, wants, and desires, that goal also changes. Sometimes I think deep down I have the ability to design and pursue opening my very own business of what--don't know yet! Other times my thoughts and passions lie with the pursuit of a medical degree of-sorts...becoming a Physician's Assistant (PA) in Pediatrics. Heck, I'm already half-way there with six kids and the sick days, diagnosis, treatment, etc...or at least it feels that way! We'll see what the future holds.

That took forever...now I tag Marla, Becky, & Poppy--go girls!