Just Rest

So I was reading O magazine... I'm actually not a freaky Oprah fan and I rarely even tivo her show, but I enjoy her magazine and I especially enjoy that it is a free years' subscription.  Martha Beck wrote an article on the hidden blessings of life's little low points and it just spoke to me in a way that hit home with a concept that I just haven't fully been able to accept... until now.  And most of this, I quote:

We live in an up-and-down, ebb-and-flow universe, yet we'd much rather flow than ebb.  When we find ourselves in the troughs between the peaks of life, some of us become resistant... and some of us panic.

Ruined plans and unfulfilled expectations remind us that we have little control over most situations and that our very lives {situations} are -- temporary.  We resist every downturn, we clutch at straws, passionately embrace denial, or pretend things won't go wrong... even when they already have.

If you're going into a valley, do what you did as a small kid on the big shiny playground slide: 


Let go and ride it down. 

I loved that... so simple, and yet, so complex.  We want the sun to shine all day and night and when it doesn't, we create cities that never sleep.  These ebbs hold a message for us... in the form of one simple blessed word... REST.

Have you ever just watched animals?  When nothing's working for them no matter how hard they try, they curl up or stretch out and surrender.  They love the valley of the shadow:  It's a dim, quiet, perfect place to gather strength.  Animals rest like they mean it.  Humans rest in a state of anxiety, guilt, and unease.  We don't mean it.  This keeps life's downtimes from fulfilling their natural function, which is to restore and heal.  Though we often see life's troughs as the universe's conspiracy to ruin us, they're actually our own true nature inviting us to lay down our weary heads.

Do nothing when nothing works.

And this doesn't mean to give up... it just means to surrender all the anxiety, the fear, the crazy and turn it over to God.  I need to appreciate my way out of my funk and listen to my life saying,  sorry, what was that?  Oh, yes.  Rest.  Until things improve and something starts to work, let's lie down in the cool shady valley... and rest like we mean it.  "

I know... not a total reality because Rest and Kids are oxy-morons.  But rather than trying to fix something that is not in my reach, I can take it as a hidden blessing, and attempt my version of REST.  Precisely why I have needed a good book in hand & my beach this summer.

Painless Potty Training

{Imagine it}...

No stinky diapers lounging in the trash. 

No wiggling child desperate to escape, whether cleaned or not. 

No finger painting POOP all over walls, carpets, faces...

No weekly expense for diapers, wipes, ointments. 

It has been my least favorite part of parenting hands-down.... Potty Training, that is. But leave it to Viviana to just figure it out and conquer it without skipping a beat leaving us to wonder, what happened?! What? Painless potty training?  

Well, it's about time one of our six makes this a painless transition.  On our trip to Utah at the start of summer Viviana decided it was time. And when these little people decide... Momma has to agree for the sheer fear of reverting back.  So gas stations, fast food places... you name it, we happily stopped on the road.  Lovely.  And once she tried the luxury of undies... she was hooked.  And I didn't even have to send her to potty training boot camp.  This is definitely on to a new phase for us.  No more signs of baby in the McLaughlin Clan.  And it actually doesn't make me sad at all.  I think I had my fill for sure.  Thirteen glorious years of it.... this very week.  

How cute are these boy short undies on Yummi-Ana?  

...and I caught her teaching Izzie's baby how to go in the potty.  The funny thing is-- this baby is called 'baby pees a lot'  (no joke) so Vivie thought that 'baby pees a lot' should not be peeing in her diaper anymore either.

 Now, it's up to my brothers & their wives to start / keep having babies 

so I can do all my cute baby sewing and spoil them rotten!

Six Months Closer

Is there a such thing as playing hookie from blogging?  Cause that's where I've been for three glorious months... playing hookie.  And ya know what?  It feels reaaaally good.  But now I'm reaaaally behind in documenting our life for the kids.

Sometimes I wish I could play hookie from my own life as just getting through the day-to-day is exhausting at times (actually, just about every day when the clock strikes 3 I'm struck dumb and want to collapse).

but here we are... six months later... still unemployed.

And Curt's six months closer to graduating with his Master in Psych... (only 5 classes & a practicum)
...and six months closer to starting a PhD program.
Six months closer to Brayden's last year before high school
Six months closer to McKenzie's first year of middle school
And six months closer to Izzie's first year of school--period.
Six months closer to me losing my mind (I do still have some left).
And six months closer to me going back to school for my Masters in ????.

The other night in bed after another exhausting day of summer, I turned to Curt and said, "you realize we only have another 5 years with Brayden at home?"

And then I felt a little panicked.  Only five more years to teach him moral discipline, service, selflessness, teach him truths and consequences, teach him to love life fully, teach him about love and loss, sacrifice, and God.  And that's a heavy load.

So we'll see how long it takes me to load a gazillion pictures from my three-month hookie.  Cause life goes on in unemployment and we're six months closer to forever... living it one day at a time.

Weeds, Anyone?

Some people in blogland like to paint this pretty little picture of their perfect little families and how everything is joyous and lovely all.the.time. I know, it's rather easy to put your best foot forward when you're in control behind a computer screen, and perhaps I'm guilty at times, but let's face it...It can get annoying super duper fast and make others feel really inadequate. So I might adore my children tomorrow and feel better about how my parenting is working, but today I'm cranky and I'm tired and mommyhood seems more of a really really giant mountain... a snow covered mountain covered with mountain lions that I really can't climb... don't want to climb with a smile on my face.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not one to sugar-coat things. I don't have as much of an 'edit' button in my head as I should sometimes. I prefer transparency and sometimes brutal honesty to the fairytale when it comes to really any situation that has my feelings attached. The reason for all of this today?

The Golden Rule...

Sometimes I'm just certain that my kids are the only ones on the face of God's green Earth that just don't get it. Actually... the more disturbing part is that they absolutely DO get it, but are choosing to not live it. And I've had it!

The biggest problem I see is that essentially we have two different age groups... and the older kids are generally really stinking at setting a great example for the little kids... and so I'm seeing my sweet innocent little girls whom I absolutely adore become snappy, disrespectful, loud, and sometimes physical, they are telling little lies here and there and testing the boundaries and all six of them are now doing it at the same time. Well, it's still hard to ever be upset at Vivs with those big blue eyes... she's still an innocent little love.

{SCREAM}

Does anyone else feel like your kids make it super hard to love them fully and completely all the time? Am I the only one who sometimes struggles with these awful feelings at times? Maybe love is the wrong word... but how 'bout LIKE? Do we have to like our children all the times? I know I certainly don't like what they do and how they act- and they know it.

I remember years ago a friend told me that she literally had to pray daily for guidance for how to love her child because he was so difficult and had brought so many different challenges into her life. I remember thinking, 'Wow... I can't even imagine feeling that way about your own child!' Serves me right for judging her inside my head. Truly, though... I usually do adore my kids... they ARE good kids full of great traits and I have many reasons to be grateful most days. But...

Even after a family home evening last night about order in our home and making a very short & simple list of family goals to achieve 'order,' one being the golden rule {seriously, how hard is that really?} This morning one (to remain unnamed) told another that "I wish you never were born" and they continued to battle and punch each other with their words. This is just one little example of what they do to each other. Sometimes I want to just press the rewind button and start all over like 10 years ago. Maybe it's US and not them.

A couple weeks ago we decided that if they said something inappropriate tabasco was the answer for the older kids, soap for the little ones. Only when Monson was the first to get it this was his reaction: "Wow, Mom, this is good stuff!" So I piled it on and gave him like 10 drops of the hot stuff. He still loved it. Reminded me of my brother, Brett, & his love affair with tabasco and alum when the same thing happened to him as a kid. Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up in the air cause I'm tired of beating my head against the wall.

So now they're pulling weeds. Keep it coming and test us, kids... cause there's a lot of weeds and once our yard is immaculate I'm not afraid to send you to the neighbor's house or the park to pull theirs too.

Or maybe I just need some dark chocolate & a vacation?

Agency Bites Me. And then teaches me.

Yesterday we had the missionaries over and watched the film, The Testaments: Of One Fold & One Shepherd. Powerful teaching tool... we've watched it several times before, but the kids grasp different lessons from it every time. And I bawl like a baby every time when it gets to the part depicting Christ in the Americas loving, talking, and blessing all the children.

Lexie sat there next to Curt the whole time and just soaked the story line in as she fired question after question putting the pieces of it together. She was trying to understand "why that guy, Jacob, would even want to make bad choices and follow Korihor and the adversary." A good lesson in Agency...

Fast forward to tonight....

Curt asked Lexie to say the family prayer. She declined and threw somewhat of a fit. I then went into that little lecture we've all given about obedience... that when Mom & Dad ask them to do something, they don't question, don't argue, and don't throw a fit, but happily say 'yes' {like the obedient little robots we were when we grew up kind of thing}...

So after Monson then says the prayer, (we were gonna be kneeling there for hours if we held her to it) I go upstairs to tuck the girls in and have a little conversation with Lexie.

".....Lexie, when Daddy asks you to do something, you need to make good choices and not follow the adversary" {interrupted}

"Well, Mom, you're the one who is following the adversary by not giving me a choice. He doesn't want us to have choices and you didn't want me to have a choice either." {pinky promise...exactly the words she used}

I've got nothin'.

What do I say to that? She's FIVE. She's one of those kids that just has a keen awareness of simple truths and principles... it's like she remembers things from her pre-mortal existence and grasps and applies them easily. Again and again. It was a special Mommie-moment of gratitude for these special children that have been sent to our family.

At the end of a day full of teaching, correcting, nagging, loving, and often times more than frustrating day of just working... for them, it was a tender moment for me to have this reminder that children have so much light, faith, and truth. And they need to be treated as such. {Not like the little robots that we sometimes think they ought to be}.

She just gets it. And she sure put me in my place with that simple reminder of Agency. Guess what lesson I'm teaching in Relief Society on Sunday? The Freedom to Choose. Thanks for the opener, Senorita Snappy Pants!

Warm Fuzzies

When I returned home from running errands today I found this little treat:

What a lovely surprise... and just as lovely... the house wasn't even totally destroyed! I'm thankful for children who surprise me & show their loving and caring sides now and then when it's not even Mother's Day!

I feel loved & appreciated today and it's a wonderful feeling. They are quickly learning that they'll catch more {mommie good moods} with honey than with vinegar.

Today I'm thankful to be the mom of my six children. I'm thankful for the warm fuzzies my kids took the time to surprise me with. Maybe tomorrow they'll get a warm fuzzy after school that looks and tastes like homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Tough Love

I'm sick of being the nag.

I'm sick of the lack of response when I call them down to do their jobs.

I'm sick of being known as The Sheriff.

I'm sick of the antagonizing that goes on daily. Multiple times daily.

I'm sick of the overall disrespect and OUTBURSTS!

I'm sick of feeling like the bad mom after yelling at my kids for their actions because it's the only way they'll listen!

Curt sings an impromptu song accompanied by his swift guitar skills (hehehehe) to explain these outbursts and family quirks... it's quite hilarious if you've been lucky enough to witness it.

So we threaten our children. We threaten them into submission.

Sometimes, it's the only thing that works. And they've learned that these are NOT idle threats.

(for the older ones, that is... the younger ones are just perfect as can be & we're hoping... really we're praying they don't end up demented and overly influenced by the negative behavior of these pre-teens and that we're better parents having learned our lessons with the first three. We can hope, can't we? hahaha)

We thought the first would be Monson or McKenzie. We were certain. I guess we're all human because Brayden was first to earn a night in the garage for repeatedly antagonizing Lexie.

He earned himself a night sleeping in the garage. It's cold for Cali standards so it was no party. And I'm certain that there's a couple of rat families nesting out there not to mention spiders of all shapes and sizes. But he had a good attitude... he knew he deserved what came to him and that ultimately he choose his punishment because of his actions. The kids know that if they show disrespect, if they are the cause of great contention in our home that they have chosen to spend a night in the garage to think about what it means to be a member of this family and how they can change their behavior to contribute positively in our home. It's our way of showing forth love in an effort to maintain some order.

Really, it's done out of love.

At 1 am we felt Bray had paid his price and had sufficient time to think, so we allowed him to come inside (mostly because he had a good attitude about it).

So in this season of gratitude... this time to reflect upon our blessings, I'm thankful that we all have the power to change and to become better people. Heaven knows I have a ton to work on as a parent. I'm just glad I'm not the one that has to sleep in the garage.

Truly, we do have good kids. But if we let these behaviors continue, we'd be terrible parents. And we've started getting all the kids in bed by 8... WORLD of difference.

Sleep is lovely on so many levels!

Quirky Girls, Songs & Stories

It's been a LONG couple of days.  Lots of crazy twists and turns...news and realities soaking in that I'd rather not face.  Oh, how I'm grateful for my Isabella Daisy because every night when I put her in bed I can always count on a smile and a laugh...and the feeling of deep gratitude for the simple things.  I can always count on a vibrant and full-of-life (arm movements and flamboyant drama included) impromptu and original song or two that includes a message about rainbows, sparkles, temples, loving mom, the beach, and more sparkles...because everything is simply sparkly through Izzie's eyes.  She always brings a smile & deep laugh to my day, and complete joy to my heart.  The bright side of things through a child's eyes.  I can always count on my Izzie to give me a lift and to help me see the simple beauties in life through all of the crud and smut we wade through as adults.  

The quirk I should never ignore.... Lexie was utterly exhausted last night and conked out before I had the chance to hear her little stories and to sing songs with her.  So I tenderly cuddled her, but of course she didn't remember it...  

Fast forward to 1:45 am.  She wakes up with a grudge...so upset remembering that she fell asleep without her stories and songs.  She screams for me in utter disgust and disappointment.  I'm a heavy sleeper (thank heavens).  So Curt wakes me up and I sleep-walk into her room and throw myself on her bed to tell her I already cuddled with her, but that she was asleep already. 

Not good enough.

So I lay half asleep waiting to listen to her middle-of-the-night story.  Only she won't tell it because my eyes aren't open and she wants my full attention. I literally cannot open my eyes.  I couldn't even pick myself up to walk to my own bed at this point!  So I lie there...and I remember waking up again at 3:45 am with Lex folding her arms in disgust staring me down and begging me to open an eye and watch her tell her simple little story.   TWO HOURS she sat there unwilling to cuddle because my eyes weren't open to listen to her. I was somewhere in a REM cycle.  Somehow I manage to pry one eye open, listen for 2 minutes, she finishes, I tuck her in...and off to sleepy land for a few more hours.  

Lesson learned.  Again.  She remembers and has certain standards and expectations...but she values her mommie.  She lives and breathes for me the same way I do for her.  She wants to be heard with care and attention.  Let's hope those same high standards and expectations transfer to every aspect of her life and carry us through teenagehood!  Caffeine, anyone?

TWO is a sweet word

At 10:34 a.m. two years ago

I thought that...

I had loved

I had felt joy

I had cried tears

I had seen miracles

I had known random kindness

I had felt love

I had experienced true hope & faith

I had been humble

I loved my husband & family

I knew so much

My heart was so full.

And at 10:35 am this tiny angel girl

our 1 lb. 12 oz.  baby doll

came into our lives

And then, even with all the unknowns, 

I understood...

that there's no love quite like the love for your own baby fighting for every little breath--

I understood...

why I had never cried quite like that

that I'd never seen a tender mercy & true miracle quite like her

that people are mostly wonderful, kind people...

that I had never felt hope to that extent

that I had never been humbled to the core...

that I had loved my husband,

but nothing like I loved him as the father of ALL our children

that I knew nothing and everything all at once;

that my heart would just burst from the joy and the heartache,

the trials, and all the goodness, 

the daily miracles 

and prayers answered...

I understood...

that the Lord's will would prevail...

and I was prepared to let her go if it was His will.

but it wasn't her time...we needed this miracle and she needed a body.

and as time went on and the milestones were reached, 'overjoyed' wouldn't even describe my feelings...

And my heart kept growing, and growing and growing...

Our baby girl has brought so much indescribable joy to our lives.

I had no idea.

Thank you, thank you for picking me to be her Mommie...

Thank you for granting us this miracle and allowing us to raise, love, and experience this amazing little girl grow.

Happy, Happy 2nd Birthday, 

my Viviana Faith. 

Always my Baby.

 

Always my reminder that 

where hope and faith grows...

miracles do blossom.

Cure for chocolate-lovers?

I know she loves chocolate...and I know that when something may look like chocolate that it may be tempting to find out if in fact, it is chocolate.  What happens when the sniffer doesn't work or when she figured out mid-fun that it was a really, really REALLY bad idea?  Yes, I know, she was just getting started.  And she wasn't thinking it was a bad idea.  Who doesn't love to squeeze something nice and squishy through their fingers?

Yes, it's true.  She did the unimaginable.  I've heard of kids painting walls, floors, themselves...with their own poop.  But my kids? No.  Never.  Well, at least not the first five.  They had their share of BIG noddies, yes.  But our Viviana seriously is a different breed.  It's not for lack of attention.  She's not calling out due to a lack of love.  She's just the WILD last CHILD.  Or, maybe she's just the experimenting kind.  I suppose now that this is a true fact of life, we can all move on and arm ourselves with different parenting skills.

She fought long and hard to get here and remain on this earth and she's gonna fight long and hard to make us remember that every step of the way.  She's the one who requires a leash.  Yes, a leash.  Well, it's a harness, actually.  I swear I'm gonna tie her to a tree in the front yard so she doesn't get hit by a car.  And, she's our ONE 

who painted her face with poop.  

Lexie came downstairs and asked for something, then said, "by the way, Vivie took off her diaper upstairs and it's poop."  Oh, by the way....really, is that a 'by the way' kind of situation?  Didn't that look just a little out of the ordinary the moment she dropped her drawers and the smell permeated the upstairs?  I guess it's not out of the ordinary to drop her drawers--she's known for that.  I'm thankful Lexie was one her way downstairs, cause who knows what kind of casualties and damage would have occurred otherwise.  

After being quarantined, a good shower, blasting mouth rinse and tooth brushing, lysol wipe-down on the floor, and Brayden's axe deodorant spray (the closest thing to where she wasand most potent smell around), we're like new again.  Until next time.  And don't give her any ideas of how else to torture mom.  I'm sure she'll think of something on her own, that wild last child.  So who wants to babysit my Vivie?  Anyone?  Anyone?

This is no April Fools... here is my photo proof.  You ask, how did I have time to grab the camera?  I couldn't resist.  After I screamed at the very sight of her, I ran downstairs and grabbed my camera.  Because she needs to see how noddy she truly was.  Just be grateful you can't smell the lovely aroma through the photos.  

Oh, ya wanna take a picture of me, do ya?

Nope, that's not your lipstick mom, it's my poop

Yeah, it's fun to squeeze it through my fingers

Oh, we might have a problem, it's on both hands now.

mmm, tasty.

...and you didn't even see the front of my shirt.

Kisses & Snails

The other day Isabella told daddy to "kiss me like mommie kisses you!"  She tilted her head and then moved it back and forth to show him just what she meant.  "No, do it this way!"She loves to experiment with kissing apparently...because today her thing was lip smacking me like 14 times before bed.  I'll take what I can get because I'm quite certain that in a couple of years she's not going to want to lip smack me 14 times before bed!

Izzie had her cute little friend, Bree, over last week for a play date.  When she left, Izzie exclaimed, "Mom, I want to be black like Bree...I don't like being yellow!"  (Bree is half black...I think Izzie just loves her soft, silky smooth skin).  But she's also obsessed with the black Cheetah girl.  Maybe there's just not enough 'funk' in our whiteness for Isabella Daisy.  

Last week Izzie was thrilled with her new creation:

"Mommie!  I made a fort for all the snails!"

No kidding.  Pretty detailed and lovely complete with a moat.  Or something like that.  The snails are still hanging around their lovely little home aka my front door.  Thank you, Isabella!

To My Little Valentines'

What we lack on Halloween...we make up for on Valentines Day!  It's a happy, cheesy, sweet holiday and I love everything it represents.  The greatest gifts your Dad and I  can give you, my six little monkeys, is to create a safe environment where we can provide, protect, and nurture...and for Dad and I to love one another deeply as equal partners.  And, of course, to have fun and not take life so seriously.  

I love scouring blogland and copying those creative souls out there...

Like doing Izzie's hair to celebrate the holiday...cheesy?  YES, but darn cute for a three-year-old on Valentine's Day.

...and she walked a little taller because of it

Staying up until 2:30 am to finish your class Valentines 

{Thank you, Becky, for the Mad Libs idea!}

And we can't forget the custom Valentine's sanitizer for the all-important teachers!

And making the brightest, most annoying neon Valentine's cookies I've ever seen...and the biggest mess to go with it with each of you {with the cookie cutters Ama sent you}.

...well, sometimes precious little hands.

big enough to make cookies with Monson...and proud of it.

I think Bray missed Halloween 

& Christmas cookies... he's celebrating all of the holidays with his creations:

Do I see a Santa and a Halloween cat in there?

Part of my Valentines to you, cute kiddies:

And making you breakfast for lunch--whole wheat banana chocolate chip heart waffles!  Gotta get some healthy mixed in on this 'sweet' holiday.

I love you all to the sky!

You are what keeps me going day in and day out... 

{YOU are what gets me out of bed in the morning...whether I want to or not!}

Will you all be my Valentines?

xo,