Brain Clouds

Why are all my posts SO LONG? I guess I have a lot to say. This IS my journal of-sorts. I make no apologies.

A few weeks ago my cute sister-in-law, Emily, so hilariously posted about momnesia and it just hit home like the words were taken right from my mouth! YES, momnesia IS a real thing. And YES, with each pregnancy your chances of recovery go down. I think I'm in trouble! I swear it's an actual diagnosis...an actual condition. Brain clouds. I think my chances of recovering those lost brain cells is nill. The only good news out of all of this is that there will be no more pregnancies for me. So my brain is what it is--can't get any worse, right? I don't do drugs or drink alcohol...so it is what it is???? The other day Curt asked me how I got so many bruises. I guess I also aimlessly run into things more often than I realized. I have scars to prove it from my forehead to my toes. Perhaps I need glasses. I'm really not a klutz.

Seriously, sometimes I just feel like I just have a mild case of the stupids. (I can hear my little girls 'outing' me because that's a bad word--) My brain just doesn't work sometimes...like there's clouds floating around inside and the sun can't peak through. Maybe I have an aneurysm. But mine isn't a gift like my second love, Eli Stone. (not him....the show..okay, he's kinda cute in a quirky way). The biggest culprit is in speaking intelligently. I think I'm an okay writer, but when it comes to publicly expressing myself it's like my vocabulary goes out the door and the stupids move in. Or at least that's how I feel sometimes.

I actually think I can rebuild my lost cells by challenging my brain a bit more. I know that I feel my scholar best when I'm in situations where I converse with physicians and have to speak and understand their level of intelligence. I've been asked dozens of times by MD's and specialists alike if I'm an RN or if I read medical journals as a hobby. So I know I can sound very educated. Maybe I just make the most of the situations we've been in? So maybe it's a clue that I've found my other love? Or at least that I'm capable? When I'm in those situations I dive in and study so that I can intelligently ask the questions and understand the conditions at hand. I've had plenty of opportunities for this in the past, oh, 15 months. (That I didn't ask for, by the way).

I have always wanted to go back to school and lately it's to become a Pediatric PA. Yes, I already have my BS in Elementary Education. I can't bring myself to manage 30+ kids only to be exhausted and come home to my six and then teach them too (without wanting to harm them or myself....) hoping I got the really important stuff in. But my degree has helped me do my part in raising our children thus far. I consider myself to be the bigger disciplinarian. I'm the one they come to first for homework help. I think I've helped earned their A's on too many school projects. But we're talking 2nd, 3rd, and 5th grade! Maybe I'll feel more intelligent as they get older. Or perhaps I should be taking some classes at the local college. I do want to more fully understand photography and lighting. I've tinkered with starting a photography business in my spare time. I can't dive into my PA studies yet because there is no PA School around here (Loma Linda is the closest) and so I don't know when or what I can do on that front...what requirements I'll have, etc. Plus, I have six kids ten and under! It will probably have to wait until the next decade.

For now, I guess I'll have to leave the momnesia, brain clouds, or case of the stupids....however one may coin it...to reading. I do enjoy it, I just don't choose to pleasure read all that often. Sure I have a pile of books in my nightstand. But none of them have captivated me. I thought the Jane Austen series would be my thing. Nope. Can't get into Emma even if it kills me. I've tried. My brain keeps drifting to the things I need to get done around the house. I stole (with permission) two books from my bro's bookshelf...by Mitch Albom. The Five People You Meet in Heaven, and Tuesdays with Morrie. Easy reads. Still sitting on the bookshelf. I read quite a bit during bedrest...didn't have many other choices of things to do. The one book I surprisingly enjoyed was The Secret Life of Bees. It was quirky and partially predictable, but I liked the lessons it taught, so it captivated me. Now it's the finding time and balancing thing. I don't always get my personal scripture reading in. In fact lately it's more of the exception than the rule. Sometimes I just stink. Look at me...I'm writing. I could be reading, I could be cleaning. I could be preparing for my primary class Sharing Time presentation next week. I could be doing the 8 loads of laundry that await me....I could be moving the girls furniture around or enjoying 80 degrees outside with the girls. I think I'll have the girls help me plant flowers in the courtyard. Over and out.