I was especially moved today in Curt's Gospel Doctrine class on the above topic. Trust, faith, perspective, affliction, trial, humility, and patience have been part of Heavenly Father's design for us this last year. I just felt great humility today in reflecting back on this last year. It was a year ago February 16th that I was put on strict bedrest with the first massive hemorrhage I experienced at 15 weeks preggers with Vivie. (bedrest from Feb 16-May 9 when she was born). Little did we know that staying pregnant would turn into such an ordeal. An ordeal that
would literally take over our lives and make us see things in a different light...having us reach for answers, help, service, comfort, peace..exploring every possible outcome; experiencing sorrow, joy, pain, triumph, hope, and sacrifice along the way. I hold this experience very sacred. How blessed I feel that a year has come and gone, that our sweet 1 lb 12 oz Vivie is a now a 15 + lb healthy, strong, happy, capable, YUMMY, well, whole, and beautifully precious little girl. She is a miracle and I believe it's by no consequential design. I'm grateful for the trial that enabled Viviana to gain a body and complete our family.
Proverbs 3:5-6 brought me amazing comfort during the long hospital days and nights before & after Vivie's birth. There was a tremendous amount of unknowns we were facing. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." It was like a light that went on. I didn't need an understanding of why this was happening. All I needed to do was give it ALL away to the Lord so He could carry & direct me. Pretty basic and simple principal...but at times tough to do.
I particularly remember the Neonatologist, Dr. Wight, coming upstairs to my hospital room when I was admitted to the hospital at 23 weeks. She spelled it all out for us. She didn't leave out the gruesome hard parts--very candid. I was strong through that conversation and unwavering in my outlook and hope. Several specialists gave us the option to abort...or to simply give up given the road ahead. They all wanted us to know what we were up against and the chances for this baby to live a normal and healthy life were almost nil., not to mention how risky the situation was for my health and wellness. With every week I could stay pregnant, the chances brightened, but still up until 28 weeks it looked grim. I'm grateful for the priesthood. I'm grateful for that spiritual element and Heavenly Father's hand that most of these physicians just don't believe in. The higher authority in the medical arena just isn't seen by some of these faithless physicians. In general, it's all statistics and hard data to them. (She was a 26 weeker).
Viviana's early days in that NICU was a missionary experience for all of us. People were astounded that she was our 6th and so much care was taken to dress up her 'condo' and make it a very personal and special experience for all those involved. Many were overcome by the spirit felt in her little space and were drawn to it. A few of the LDS nurses were able to 'field' questions from other nurses and bystanders about our faith as a result. We had several 'mini' discussions about our beliefs with the blessings that Curt was able to give Vivie during those 100 delicate days.
I could go on and on about our experience. The toughest day in my life was having to send my then 1 & 2 year old Izzie & Lexie away for 6 long weeks so that I could safely bring Vivie into this world. THAT is a great sacrifice for any mother no matter the reason. My point though is this: I have never felt as close to my Heavenly Father as I did during this particular trial. I know much of it was the fluff that was taken out of my life during this time enabling me to focus on the things that are the most important. Man, it's tough now to do those needful things everyday with all the 'noise' that surrounds me with six kids! What an opportunity I had to completely apply my trust in the Lord and experience great sacrifice, faith, love, and gratitude. I love my Heavenly Father, Christ, my family, and I LOVE MY Viviana Faith...with ALL my heart. I do KNOW in whom I trust. And I'm eternally grateful for that knowledge.
14 years ago
12 comments:
Thank you so much for that beautiful reflection. I can't believe that it has been a year already. Vivie is a precious little girl, and you are a wonderful mother to all 6 of your children.
PS. Matt did shave his head, and it was totally my fault! He got done trimming his hair and he asked me to shape up the back and around his ears like I always do. Only this time I slipped and shaved a big 'ole hole behind his ear. I left the room so upset at myself. A couple of minutes later I hear Wayne laughing and I come around the corner to a bald husband! Needless to say the first thing that came to my mind was all the pictures we would be taking at Disney with Matt having a bald head!
You have such wonderful insights Shayla. I've been very moved reading this...reminding me so much of my experience with Sienna too. If there's anything I want to learn from this post and from you, it's to have faith. I love that that's Vivie's middle name!
During my turn driving home from FL I was listening to Pres. Eyring talk about us needing to be guided through trials rather than ask to be relieved of them. Experience is priceless, even if it's gut-wrenching. I remember crying FOR you when you had to send I&A off with Ama, and hugging my little ones a little tighter everyday.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and testimony. You certainly have been inspiring to so many with how you faithfully handled your pregnancy and then the birth of Vivs.
Thanks so much for your thoughts Shayla. It's so important to sit back and get a different perspective from trials.
Some of the sweetest blessings come from the most bitter trials...I guess that's what Lehi was talking about when he said OPPOSITION in all things. Thanks for sharing your testimony and reflections. It's nice to have a spiritual moment away from all the "noise" whether self-inflicted or kid-inflicted!
This is a post you will cherish forever! Always write these feelings down.
She is beautiful and your post is a great reminder that we should always follow what our hearts tell us to do.
What a great "journal" entry. I always said you needed to be blogging last year when you were going thru all this. I hope you were able to save all your emails. I was looking at Vivs on Sunday and couldn't believe how big and healthy that little girl is. You would never know what she (and you) went thru! I am still amazed by your strength and ability to endure during that trying time. Thanks for letting me be a part of such an amazing experience with you. I love you and all your kiddos.
I love Proverbs 3:5-6. Very cool that you plan on making your blog into a book--what a great legacy for your kids, especially with the miracles you've all seen firsthand with Viviana.
What a journey this past year has been for you and your family. You have handeled is so beautifully! I can't wait to meet sweet vivie. It he sounds like has an extra special spirit!
It sounds like you were strong throughout this whole trial. It's amazing how difficult they can be and although you wouldn't want to go through the same one again, you are a better person because of what you went through and learned from it with the help of the Savior.
What beautiful words...you made me cry! I love Proverbs 3:5-6. It's hard to remember that in day to day life.
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