And Breathe...

Perhaps it came because I was feeling gratitude for our trials... Publicly, in our monthly testimony meeting at church. We should know that when we publicly express gratitude for trials that we're just going to get more-- isn't it part of Murphy's Law? It's like I was baiting the Lord to just bring it on. He did. Or WE did. Either way...

Our world hasn't been quite right these last couple weeks. Moving? Staying? Going back to what we left 8 months ago, or moving forward in a straight line? Okay, maybe that line has seemed to move a little backwards and sideways... and has become the can't-make-sense of it-line the last 8 months... So what's best for the kids? What's best for our future? Are we nuts if we don't take the opportunity in front of us? What about stability? Safety? Is it overrated? Is it a tender mercy... this place we have now, or is a tender mercy... this opportunity in front of us to get back what we thought was lost? Can we really handle the insane roller coaster, all the variables, the unanswered questions, the crazy that is spewing from all ends of our lives with no end in sight? Is there even a right and a wrong answer? I know, I'm being vague. This is only the half of it.

My mom says I should just look at the next lesson I teach in church a couple months ahead of time to know what my trials are going to be that particular month-- because they seem to coincide. This next one is prayer. And I think this situation has probably broken into the top 10 struggles of my life to find a concrete answer. I wasn't sure that there was a right or a wrong answer... I wasn't sure the Lord actually cared which direction we headed, as long as we're serving, remaining righteous, and loving our children. I had more heart-to-heart talks than usual: with family, my bestie, the Lord... more time on my knees, more visits to the San Diego Temple than normal, and more diving into the scriptures than typical for me. I'm convinced that the issues and things that are 'broke' right now in Temecula can be fixed... but that the pathway, at least for the next little while, needs to remain where we are. And for that sure knowledge, I am so grateful.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm deeply saddened. We had fabulous neighbors and friends in San Elijo. We already left them once... I can't even bear to think that I'd have to maybe repeat that again.  But I have to admit I'm also relieved, and hopeful for the future. I've learned a lot about myself in the last 8 months. I've also learned that renting isn't as horrible as I thought it would be... {that really is a revelation for me} Having a safe place we can actually afford... even during unemployment. That's a real blessing. Our unemployment benefit is to the cent exactly what our rent is. This situation has also been an exercise in humility, in recognizing the tender mercies and feeling the gratitude for all the blessings, large and small, in our lives right now during this unemployment crazy.

We could have prolonged our crazy move all this time. We could have been there saving money when unemployment knocked on our door. What lender 'loses' a file and 'miraculously' finds it 8 months later? OURS.  We thought someone was acting as 'us' and applying for mod after mod.  Nope... just inefficiency.  We should have played the game.  We could have moved back in to wait out our unemployment, save some money and then capitalize on the 'new' mortgage relief that was just announced. All legal and completely ethical... we still own the title. I find it odd that we have been considering moving back for the last couple weeks, even before any new legislation was announced. We had no idea it was coming. We just knew the bank hadn't foreclosed... and that there was an opportunity. Our mortgage company has been the most inefficient, most difficult beast to work with. Hands down.  We do kick ourselves for not staying and waiting all this out; hindsight is always 20/20. But there are just some things that need to be left alone once they're done.

I think for one, the Lord knows I just couldn't bear to have to leave that home & our dear neighbors & friends again if it just didn't work out for the second time. I think my family would have to pry me away and carry me out kicking and screaming this time. So maybe partially the answer was about me... but mostly it's about the greater good of the family.  And we have an omniscient, loving, merciful Heavenly Father and for that, I am thankful.  Plus, I don't have to spend my kids' two weeks of spring break packing and crying... and whining some more because that's just a long, long road of unknowns.

Lá Fhéile Pádraig

aka St. Patty's Day

Curt has become a St. Patrick's Day freak... the same way I'm a Valentine's freak.  He has collected things on clearance over the years.

So all of this was his creative outlet-- who knew?

The kids LOVE all their food options on St. Patrick's Day... he always makes green milk and green pancakes or waffles AND yummy sugar cereal (with the lovely side effect of green poop, I might add)

If it's green, it earns a spot on the table, apparently...

The girls made their leprechaun traps

Any excuse for another party at our house!

Girls Club Rocks

McKenzie's first day of middle school starts in August.  Soon a new kind of anxiety will be introduced in her life... a whole new world of crazy, and hopefully exciting and new experiences.  But we know that middle school can be a major transition and a world of cruel too.  She isn't moving up to the same school as the kids from her 5th grade year.... and so that's where Girls Club fits in.  

Last year a friend of ours had the foresight to start this club for these 12 girls in surrounding schools that are also members of our faith.  Since last September they have rotated being 'host' and hung out once a month so that on that often cruel, awkward and nerve-wracking first days of middle school they have several friendly faces ready to help each other through the exciting and crazy of it all.  

Our turn was March... and we hosted a fabulous & fun scavenger hunt... and then made homemade pizzas and ice cream cookie sandwiches.  

Weeds, Anyone?

Some people in blogland like to paint this pretty little picture of their perfect little families and how everything is joyous and lovely all.the.time. I know, it's rather easy to put your best foot forward when you're in control behind a computer screen, and perhaps I'm guilty at times, but let's face it...It can get annoying super duper fast and make others feel really inadequate. So I might adore my children tomorrow and feel better about how my parenting is working, but today I'm cranky and I'm tired and mommyhood seems more of a really really giant mountain... a snow covered mountain covered with mountain lions that I really can't climb... don't want to climb with a smile on my face.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not one to sugar-coat things. I don't have as much of an 'edit' button in my head as I should sometimes. I prefer transparency and sometimes brutal honesty to the fairytale when it comes to really any situation that has my feelings attached. The reason for all of this today?

The Golden Rule...

Sometimes I'm just certain that my kids are the only ones on the face of God's green Earth that just don't get it. Actually... the more disturbing part is that they absolutely DO get it, but are choosing to not live it. And I've had it!

The biggest problem I see is that essentially we have two different age groups... and the older kids are generally really stinking at setting a great example for the little kids... and so I'm seeing my sweet innocent little girls whom I absolutely adore become snappy, disrespectful, loud, and sometimes physical, they are telling little lies here and there and testing the boundaries and all six of them are now doing it at the same time. Well, it's still hard to ever be upset at Vivs with those big blue eyes... she's still an innocent little love.

{SCREAM}

Does anyone else feel like your kids make it super hard to love them fully and completely all the time? Am I the only one who sometimes struggles with these awful feelings at times? Maybe love is the wrong word... but how 'bout LIKE? Do we have to like our children all the times? I know I certainly don't like what they do and how they act- and they know it.

I remember years ago a friend told me that she literally had to pray daily for guidance for how to love her child because he was so difficult and had brought so many different challenges into her life. I remember thinking, 'Wow... I can't even imagine feeling that way about your own child!' Serves me right for judging her inside my head. Truly, though... I usually do adore my kids... they ARE good kids full of great traits and I have many reasons to be grateful most days. But...

Even after a family home evening last night about order in our home and making a very short & simple list of family goals to achieve 'order,' one being the golden rule {seriously, how hard is that really?} This morning one (to remain unnamed) told another that "I wish you never were born" and they continued to battle and punch each other with their words. This is just one little example of what they do to each other. Sometimes I want to just press the rewind button and start all over like 10 years ago. Maybe it's US and not them.

A couple weeks ago we decided that if they said something inappropriate tabasco was the answer for the older kids, soap for the little ones. Only when Monson was the first to get it this was his reaction: "Wow, Mom, this is good stuff!" So I piled it on and gave him like 10 drops of the hot stuff. He still loved it. Reminded me of my brother, Brett, & his love affair with tabasco and alum when the same thing happened to him as a kid. Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up in the air cause I'm tired of beating my head against the wall.

So now they're pulling weeds. Keep it coming and test us, kids... cause there's a lot of weeds and once our yard is immaculate I'm not afraid to send you to the neighbor's house or the park to pull theirs too.

Or maybe I just need some dark chocolate & a vacation?

My Dearest McKenzie Beth:

I can't believe it's been 11 years since I was shoving tubes up your nose, down through your throat and into your lungs every 2 hours (at home) to suction you, and keep you breathing and alive. LONG moments with an incompetent Pediatrician that we will never have to relive.

There's NOTHING I wouldn't do for you

Having you play hooky with your Dad & me was the best

{especially when you have big tests on your birthday...

cause that's just WRONG}.

Off we went for a special lunch

and every tween's dream... a trip to the mall to pick out one thing

{which turned into 3 things cause Old Navy just rocks

with great deals & coupons}

The bestest ever breakfast for dinner topped off with decadent chocolate cake & homemade ice cream. Yummers... except for the part where we all wanted to puke afterwards.

Kenz... Eleven things we {love} about you:

1. You're the best babysitter ever
2. The biggest helper a Mom could ever dream of
3. So very determined
4. Cheerful
5. Responsible
6. You give me gray hairs less & less {oh, please let it continue that way into the teens}
7. Things are black & white for you... you have an amazing sense of right & wrong
8. You are a towering influence for good
9. You're an extremely loyal daughter & friend
10. You're super creative... always working on a project or two
11. Miss Affectionate... always wants hugs & kisses from Mom & Dad

McKenzie's Faves:

Color: Blue

TV Show: American Idol

Sport: hockey

Animal: dog

Holiday: My Birthday

Song: Let It Rain (Kris Allen)

Celebrity: David Archuleta

Subject: Reading

Car: Hummer

Restaurant: BJ's

Food: shrimp

Dessert: Pazookies

Candy: twix

Temple: Salt Lake City

Thing to do: beading jewelry & riding bike

Movie: Cheaper by the Dozen

Place to go: Utah

Books: The Tale of Despereaux

Scripture Story: Nephi getting the brass plates from King Laban

McKenzie's goals this year:

• to get honor roll
• finish the Faith in God program
• complete 'Scripture University' with my mom.

You Go Girl!

Happy, Happy 11th Birthday Angel Kenz!

love you more!

Get Your Game On!

This crappy job market didn't stop us from celebrating Washington's B-day with the kids out of school... really, we just couldn't take one more cooped-up day, one more kids-at-home-holiday without a memory of anything other than nagging the kids to get their stuff done.

So I found an awesome BOGO coupon, used our teensy emergency fund, and off to the bowling alley we went, cause this was a social emergency for sure.

Can you even tell whose shoes are whom's?

My kids have giant feet...not the most dainty and lovely thing...

The best part was Viviana every five seconds, "It's my turn???" "Mommie, my turn now?"

{with her posed-fake-smile, and yes, that is her pj shirt. She does dress herself and sometimes I choose my battles. It was clean, it's cute, it sorta matches.}

And of course, Izzie's victory dances after each roll down the lane...

The Cheerleaders...

The older kids' competitive nature coming out...

And Lexie's independence because she's just that age...

too little for the big kids, too big for the littler girls.

But the best of all was watching each of the kids cheer one another on.

Oh, and those snazzy shoes... cause it just doesn't get much better than bowling shoes!

The Ma/Dad at the end was really Viviana bowling first round, Mom bowling 2nd.

Embrace the inner-Buddha?

One night I went into the girl's room to tuck them in... and found some miniature meditating Buddhists instead.  They say they saw a frog doing this on an episode of Little Bear...  it was funny enough for a re-inactment. 

Agency Bites Me. And then teaches me.

Yesterday we had the missionaries over and watched the film, The Testaments: Of One Fold & One Shepherd. Powerful teaching tool... we've watched it several times before, but the kids grasp different lessons from it every time. And I bawl like a baby every time when it gets to the part depicting Christ in the Americas loving, talking, and blessing all the children.

Lexie sat there next to Curt the whole time and just soaked the story line in as she fired question after question putting the pieces of it together. She was trying to understand "why that guy, Jacob, would even want to make bad choices and follow Korihor and the adversary." A good lesson in Agency...

Fast forward to tonight....

Curt asked Lexie to say the family prayer. She declined and threw somewhat of a fit. I then went into that little lecture we've all given about obedience... that when Mom & Dad ask them to do something, they don't question, don't argue, and don't throw a fit, but happily say 'yes' {like the obedient little robots we were when we grew up kind of thing}...

So after Monson then says the prayer, (we were gonna be kneeling there for hours if we held her to it) I go upstairs to tuck the girls in and have a little conversation with Lexie.

".....Lexie, when Daddy asks you to do something, you need to make good choices and not follow the adversary" {interrupted}

"Well, Mom, you're the one who is following the adversary by not giving me a choice. He doesn't want us to have choices and you didn't want me to have a choice either." {pinky promise...exactly the words she used}

I've got nothin'.

What do I say to that? She's FIVE. She's one of those kids that just has a keen awareness of simple truths and principles... it's like she remembers things from her pre-mortal existence and grasps and applies them easily. Again and again. It was a special Mommie-moment of gratitude for these special children that have been sent to our family.

At the end of a day full of teaching, correcting, nagging, loving, and often times more than frustrating day of just working... for them, it was a tender moment for me to have this reminder that children have so much light, faith, and truth. And they need to be treated as such. {Not like the little robots that we sometimes think they ought to be}.

She just gets it. And she sure put me in my place with that simple reminder of Agency. Guess what lesson I'm teaching in Relief Society on Sunday? The Freedom to Choose. Thanks for the opener, Senorita Snappy Pants!

Pocket-Full of Posies & A Happy Valentine's Day.

Ama-time is always chock-full of fun & games...

she came last week with a Valentine's craft fit for princesses (& a few boys).

And once she left we put a twist on it and made them in masses

for Lexie's class Valentine's.

Who says we can't recycle last year's Mad Libs idea for McKenzie's new class?

and a homemade Valentine's fit for my rocker boy to share.

Making memories like this for the kids

means my inner-most Diva comes out and takes over. I have no control.

look how elated they were to get flowers from daddy...

that lasted for about 2.0 minutes until they snapped the stems.

how could I resist that face? Sure honey, keep adding the candy...

A messy McLaughlin tradition

Also one that guarantees a belly-ache or four...

Mmmmm... good. Masterpiece? Maybe not, but oohey gooey with all the right stuff.

We had a par-tay all day long (in between church)

and an all day long mess to go along with it.

The kids all received mod-podged journals, but the favorite part was writing on table. Cause how often do they get to do that?

Oh, fresh out of bed.

Forgot to make the heart waffles pink... our teeth probably thanked us.

Yes, I went all out this year. Copycat creativity= inexpensive.

and meaningful.

did I say I burned the midnight oil for the last few days? I mean BUUUUURNED it.

Mod-podge is just maaaagic.

And I had to attempt Bakerelaa's red velvet cake pop yummies dipped in chocolate.

at 3 am.

Heart-shaped pizzas for dinner

I think the day was kid-approved

My little Valentines all dressed up with somewhere to go...

sporting hearts

BIG frou frou hearts

full deck of hearts...

and little hearts fit for a princess.

YUMMY. Happy Valentine's Day, my six little lovers:)

(and big lover)

and now I need a nap.