I Know In Whom I Trust

I was especially moved today in Curt's Gospel Doctrine class on the above topic. Trust, faith, perspective, affliction, trial, humility, and patience have been part of Heavenly Father's design for us this last year. I just felt great humility today in reflecting back on this last year. It was a year ago February 16th that I was put on strict bedrest with the first massive hemorrhage I experienced at 15 weeks preggers with Vivie. (bedrest from Feb 16-May 9 when she was born). Little did we know that staying pregnant would turn into such an ordeal. An ordeal that would literally take over our lives and make us see things in a different light...having us reach for answers, help, service, comfort, peace..exploring every possible outcome; experiencing sorrow, joy, pain, triumph, hope, and sacrifice along the way. I hold this experience very sacred. How blessed I feel that a year has come and gone, that our sweet 1 lb 12 oz Vivie is a now a 15 + lb healthy, strong, happy, capable, YUMMY, well, whole, and beautifully precious little girl. She is a miracle and I believe it's by no consequential design. I'm grateful for the trial that enabled Viviana to gain a body and complete our family.

Proverbs 3:5-6 brought me amazing comfort during the long hospital days and nights before & after Vivie's birth. There was a tremendous amount of unknowns we were facing. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." It was like a light that went on. I didn't need an understanding of why this was happening. All I needed to do was give it ALL away to the Lord so He could carry & direct me. Pretty basic and simple principal...but at times tough to do.

I particularly remember the Neonatologist, Dr. Wight, coming upstairs to my hospital room when I was admitted to the hospital at 23 weeks. She spelled it all out for us. She didn't leave out the gruesome hard parts--very candid. I was strong through that conversation and unwavering in my outlook and hope. Several specialists gave us the option to abort...or to simply give up given the road ahead. They all wanted us to know what we were up against and the chances for this baby to live a normal and healthy life were almost nil., not to mention how risky the situation was for my health and wellness. With every week I could stay pregnant, the chances brightened, but still up until 28 weeks it looked grim. I'm grateful for the priesthood. I'm grateful for that spiritual element and Heavenly Father's hand that most of these physicians just don't believe in. The higher authority in the medical arena just isn't seen by some of these faithless physicians. In general, it's all statistics and hard data to them. (She was a 26 weeker).

Viviana's early days in that NICU was a missionary experience for all of us. People were astounded that she was our 6th and so much care was taken to dress up her 'condo' and make it a very personal and special experience for all those involved. Many were overcome by the spirit felt in her little space and were drawn to it. A few of the LDS nurses were able to 'field' questions from other nurses and bystanders about our faith as a result. We had several 'mini' discussions about our beliefs with the blessings that Curt was able to give Vivie during those 100 delicate days.

I could go on and on about our experience. The toughest day in my life was having to send my then 1 & 2 year old Izzie & Lexie away for 6 long weeks so that I could safely bring Vivie into this world. THAT is a great sacrifice for any mother no matter the reason. My point though is this: I have never felt as close to my Heavenly Father as I did during this particular trial. I know much of it was the fluff that was taken out of my life during this time enabling me to focus on the things that are the most important. Man, it's tough now to do those needful things everyday with all the 'noise' that surrounds me with six kids! What an opportunity I had to completely apply my trust in the Lord and experience great sacrifice, faith, love, and gratitude. I love my Heavenly Father, Christ, my family, and I LOVE MY Viviana Faith...with ALL my heart. I do KNOW in whom I trust. And I'm eternally grateful for that knowledge.

Little Conversations

I think it's hilarious listening to my girls mimic me through their everyday 2 and 3-year-old conversations and pretend-plays. It's even more amusing listening to what they think about on their own. Before you look at the pictures...yes, they are still in their jammies. And yes, its 2:00 in the afternoon & Izzie's braid from yesterday is all over the place like she's been in a windstorm from the 1980's. She looks like a wreck--hey, it's a very rainy Friday! (The truth is I didn't realize what a mess they looked like until I looked at the pictures!)

Anyway, here's one of their cute conversations playing 'mom:' And disclaimer---we're not raising our kids in 'the hood'. The little girls talk with an accent that would be familiar to anyone living in Jersey (Jowsey)...don't know where it came from, but it makes it that much funnier to listen to them. I guess the McLaughlins are from the east coast!

Izzie- "Mommie, I'm tiwed."
Lexie-"Okay, honey, let's go take a nap."
Izzie-"But mommie, I want some chocolate milk."
Lexie-"Sweatheart, I said you spilled your chocolate milk on the carpet so you can't have it anymoe in yoe room."

Or sometimes it's just conversations with the trillion baby dolls that grace our home. This time it's Izzie with her baby:

"Okay, hold on..we're going to chuch. Want to go to chuch? Have to cova you up with the blankie. Oh sweetie, got that on yoi face. wipe it off. okay, baby, are you weady to go ta bed? Got yoi jammies on and alweady to go to bed? okay, dropped it. I get that. Here's yoi pacifia foi goodness sakes. I just toot. You sit here.

(starts to sing & turns the lights off, dangling a whistle from a string over her face.)

Hewe's your toy...come get it. Okay sweetie . I pay da pano (begins to blow whistle and pretends it's the piano). Oh sweetie, okay time to go skating (slides across wood floors on a large comb with baby in arms). Look, thewe's my baby sista, pwaying. (drops baby on the ground) BABY! what ah you doing falling on the gwound? Ahe you okay?

"This mommie has boobies. That boy has pecks." (Izzie while playing polly pockets in the closet).

Maybe these little mommies-in-training aren't off to a bad start! They're fun, nurturing, unpredictable, hilarious, and they don't miss a beat!

I LOVE MY LITTLE SWEETIES!!!

Listening to them actually brings back memories of an incident with my cousin, Pam. We are 3 months apart and one time someone asked, "How old are you?" I replied pointing to Pam, "Well, she's foy and I'm foe." Like we were different ages because of the way we spoke...memories...

We LOVE L.A.....or NOT!

I grew up in So. Cal...in a northern suburb just outside the San Fernando Valley and always took offense to the nay-sayers and harsh critics of the Southern Californians. I just could never understand it. Sure every city has its quirks and weirdos. But for the first time in my life I now understand what tourists see when they experience LA...and why there's such a stigma about the city! We took advantage of the long weekend and gave the kids a taste of LA--tourist-style. I think it was an eye-opener for all of us! I want my money back! Or maybe just my camera.

A few of the highlights:

• showing the kids their great-grandpa Menzie's gravesite
• TITO'S Tacos
• taking 2 1/2 hours to go 20 miles--I think we saw more brake lights and bumpers than the sites. LA traffic was more than insane...on and off the freeway.
  
• Elvis-sighting
• Hollywood Blvd. on a Friday night
  
• Wax Museum (total tourist trap--but the kids enjoyed it)
  
• cross-dresser walking down the street
• MORE TRAFFIC
  
• Car getting burglarized--they ripped off my $1000 Nikon with 2 lenses, 2 credit cards, & Curt's laptop!!!! And left a hole in my door under the lock that they drilled. They tried to kype my 3rd row seat but Lexie's car seat was anchored to the floor...guess they were too lame to figure out how to un-anchor it...thankfully. Kind of put a damper on everything---my beloved Nikon!
  
• subsequent police visit and incident report
• Venice Canals
  
• Venice Beach. BIG education for the kids. There are a LOT of lost souls out there. (stoners all over in-action taking donations from people to fund their stoning-efforts, nearly naked men doing weird tricks, man juggling knives, mimes, protesters, hare krishnas doing their rants) Now I know why my parents never let me go there with my friends growing up! Oh, and a big 'ole pigeon left a big bomb on my shoulder and Vivies face...nice!
  
• Santa Monica Pier
• Homeless living everywhere
• Alvarado Street (Little Mexico)...trash everywhere, people everywhere, smelly everywhere. I think Tijuana is better.
  
• California Science Museum
• Langer's Jewish Deli (BEST pastrami outside of NYC)
  
• LA Temple

We had plans to visit the Griffith Observatory and my old stomping grounds with all the good eats in my neck-of-the-woods (Dan's Supersubs, Blinkies Donuts, TO Meatlocker), but traffic and stupid car theft thwarted our plans. We actually got all the way to the Science Museum before we discovered evidence of the robbery. I opened up the back of the Escalade to get my Nikon and the camera and the 2 expensive lenses were missing. I panicked for a second and thought maybe the camera fell out or I left it in my purse. Instead I went to move Curt's laptop case and found that it was also lightweight and empty....we felt so violated! The burglars left the cases and took the goods. They looked at everything, but didn't take everything. They selected two of the credit cards in Curt's planner, but left his Driver's License. The police said that there's a ring of robbers in the area that target the Escalades & GM's for the 3rd row seats because they can get 3 grand for them on the black market. Luckily, Lexie's carseat was anchored very securely to the floor making it a more difficult task to get the seat so they took the valuables behind the seat instead. They took the goods, then like good little robbers, locked my car back up to make the discovery take a little longer.

So for you people who have 3rd row seats in large SUV's like mine....watch out! Locking your car doesn't matter one bit when professionals want your stuff! And, it was in the Embassy Suites underground hotel parking lot, which cost a hefty $20/night! We parked it there instead of the the streets because of the safety-factor. They must have watched us pull in or something. We left LA very thankful to live in beautiful less-crime-ridden and cleaner San Diego! Luckily I had my digital camera in my purse and was able to get a few shots before my battery completely died. The best pics were obviously on the stolen Nikon, but I was glad I at least had my little Kodak digital!

FYI We really did have a great time--so much to do and see...our little incident just put a damper on things. Though it could have happened anywhere in the great 'ole US of A! Okay, maybe not just anywhere....I'll take Suburbia, thanks.

My Wedding Tag

Yeah, yeah, I'm on it. Only took like a month. I've been 'tagged' three times for this one and I figured it would be a good one to document! Happy Valentine's Day!!! And if I can get my scanner up and going I'll post some joyous wedding photos (I HATE our wedding pics---photographer stunk and I should have had a professional do my hair/make-up!!!!!)

1. Where did you meet your husband?
Yes, it's true...we are a BYU statistic. He first saw me as I was getting a tour of the 4th floor (BYUSA) ...totally checked me out (I tried to ignore him). He was the VP over all the clubs at BYU. We first formally met when he approved my budget for the preference dance that Amy Monahan and I volunteered to be in charge of.


2. First thing said:
In his head or out loud? You'll have to ask him that one! I don't remember.


3. First date:
October 16, 1993--Our mutual friend set us up (at his request I'm quite sure) right after the BYU v. Notre Dame football game. How fitting (if you know how BIG a fan he is of both teams)! Neither of us wanted to go-he wasn't feeling well and I just wasn't interested. It was like 10:30 at night---VERY late for a 'blind date.' We ended up going to Q-ball to play pool & air hockey --is that place still there?? Then we bought a gallon of ice cream, a couple of big spoons, and went to the park to have a bon fire with a mutual friend/date and just dug in...to the ice cream, that is. He thought I was a little piggy with the ice cream--turns out I am. Did I say I was not interested? Look what happens when you least expect it! Both of us were dating like 5 other people and he was the furthest thing from my radar.

4. First kiss:
He took me to see some lame movie--I think it was Robocop--not my forte for sure. Then we walked out to his car and he opened the door for me (he was always such a gentleman) and grabbed a white rose out of the backseat to give me...how could I resist after that? It was our 5th date (I was playing hard-to-get) and he TOTALLY planned that move-REAL swift, babe. Actually, before this time, I knew he was the one. In fact, after the 3rd date I came home, plopped myself on my bed and told my roommate that he was THE ONE and I knew we were going to get married...and this was before our 5th 'kissing' date...I guess I knew there was chemistry before I let him kiss me.


5. How long did you date?
A century by Mormon standards. Almost a year in real-people time. Engaged for only 2 1/2 months. That's the way to do it! And I have to say Curt is the KING of courting. He was always sending me flowers, bringing me chocolates, writing me love notes, leaving me things like a 1/2 eaten bag off cookies on my porch (because he got the munchies walking to my condo). He still 'courts' me 14 years later!

6. Where did you get engaged?
This is back when Curt was creative and known as 'fun-fun.' I have always liked baseball, so I was living at home in Oak Park, CA for the summer of '94. Curt drove down without me knowing and stayed with my best friend, Marla. She and her boyfriend at the time blindfolded me and drove me to this 'place', dis-oriented me and sat me down on a chair. (I figured it out cause I had to walk from the car over some grass across some dirt...hmmm, what could it be...a baseball diamond? Get it--he's giving me a diamond at a baseball diamond--which is my favorite sport . Cheesy, I know, but I'll always remember it!!) They sat me at home plate, then took off the blind fold. Here comes Curt walking across the field to meet me, gets down on one knee and pops the question. And what did I say? I told him I had irritable bowels. NICE!!!!! Long story. How romantic am I? I think that's even on the video that Mike Scott took of the whole event. (Marla's boyfriend at the time and Richard G's son).


7. Where were you married?
Salt Lake City Temple October 12, 1994 . We decided to get married during the middle of the semester (you know it's right...why wait?!!) so what better temple for BYU students. Certainly wasn't gonna be the Provo Temple! I received my endowments in LA though.


8. How did the reception go?
Glorious. We had it at my grandparent's clubhouse in Provo. Beautiful red shag carpet with charming chairs to match, gold lamay everything. Circa 1950...but we didn't care. It was OUR reception. And then two weeks later...reception in LA...two weeks later...reception in Tucson. It didn't ever end. THREE receptions...lots of loot but not a good idea. I violently puked over the Hoover Dam coming home from our AZ reception. I was deathly ill. Funny story...well, funny now.


9. Where did we go on our honeymoon?
Yeah, so this is the part where I got ticked. Why couldn't that creative streak transfer to the honeymoon? Ever since, I've been in charge of trip-planning. And it's not that this place was really THAT bad..it's just that we lived almost around the corner from this place and went there all the time before our honeymoon! He made me think we were flying somewhere. I thought it would be at least somewhere exotic and exciting with a beach. But nope. Drove through the canyon and parked our rears in Park City. We were at Stein Ericksons for the first few nights--I was allergic to their sheets. Fun times. Then we went to a B&B and what did he do ALL day Saturday? Watch football...completely should have known that every Saturday since then he'd be doing the same thing. But then again, I didn't expect anything different..I grew up with 5 brothers. What a great honeymoon! But he's more than made up for it since.


10. Do you have a song?
We had a wedding video made and there were a handful of songs on that...We've Only Just Begun (Carpenters--Karen's my all-time fav), and some other more hip ones from the 'era'. He liked Country...I detested it. I liked alternative...he thought my music was nuts. The Carpenters is an old time fav from growing up.

So now that you know about our beginnings, I tag anyone that wants to blog about it....because it's a great subject to blog about on Valentine's Day (especially if you'll be printing it out in a book later like me)!

Valentine's Conversation

My dear friend, Katie, wanted to hear my answers to these questions she had from some Valentine's conversation cards ...probably so she could laugh at me. So go ahead, read a little about 'me' and then blog your answers to the same questions if you want!

If you could go away by yourself for 3 days…disappear…where would you go and what would you do? I would go to a beach somewhere...anywhere (down the street or 4000 miles away--doesn't matter!) I'd sleep sleep sleep, be pampered at a spa, lie on the beach sipping mai-tai's, listening to the waves crash, feel the warm sand between my toes, sleep some more, and eat whatever I wanted. I honestly wouldn't care where---a beach in France, San Diego, Santa Barbara or Mexico--just a warm place with ambience & a posh place to sleep. No, really, my eye has been twitching for 10 years. I think I need some good zzzzz's!

If you could be on any reality TV show what would it be? It would be a blast doing 'The Amazing Race' to see tidbits of the world and then win a million dollars doing it...cause I would win, ya know (but sorry Curt, you couldn't be my winning partner. I'd do it with you in a heartbeat if we didn't care about winning!)

If you could have any superpower what would it be and why? I need two superpowers. The first one..."Duplication." I need a few of me so I can have my live-in "Alice". Is that too much to ask???! And the second one is "Flying" for sure. How cool would it be to just get somewhere, anywhere...fast. I have dreams that I fly- how exhilarating would that be?! I'll tell you when I paraglide in Seattle with Tallie in March (I wanted to 'fly' for my 30th bday but you guessed it, I was preggers. It's five years later and now Tallie's 30th, my 35th...so we're doing it!)

You just won the 200 million dollar lottery. What do you do with the money? The church won't accept tithing from lottery winnings, so I'd donate to BYU, start a charter school here, contribute to the missionary fund, set up a foundation/non-profit to help preemies and their families, pay off my mom's/sibling's mortgages and debts, buy homes for brothers/dad that don't have them, make sound investments, put $ in trusts for each of our kids and future grandkids, send Curt on tour with the Notre Dame & BYU football teams, buy him a Bimmer, buy myself a porsche & a beach house, as well as a farm in Provence, France; Be the first donation to start my mom's non-profit foundation, "Angels Anonymous", take my family on a trip around the world, decorate until my heart's content, buy a jet so my 2 pilot brothers can be employed for life and take me and my fam wherever we want to go, send $$$ anonymously to those I know are in need, travel, travel, travel...and so much more. Oh, I'd pay for Josh Groban to sing me to sleep every night! I really wouldn't want to win the 200 million dollar lottery though---I think it ruins people and I've never actually played the lottery, but it's fun to dream!

What is your favorite love song and why? I actually don't have ONE favorite. But I have favorite love song artists. I love all of Josh Groban's, Journey, REO Speedwagon, Air Supply, Chicago, Carpenters...all for different reasons. They remind me of my honey and also remind me of different stages in my life.

If you could pick any actor/actress to play you in the story of your life who would it be? Jane Seymour...because she's classy, appears to be a balanced mom, has great hair, and if you know me, my all-time favorite movie is "Somewhere in Time" and she's the star. The great accent doesn't hurt either---and it would be a really great way to introduce her to my faith. Yeah...she is kind of older though.

What is the one thing you know you’ll regret if you never do it? Cherish every day (okay, well, most days) with my kids at every stage in life. I want to always remember the smell and cooing of sweet Vivie; the dancing moves, pitter-patter and funnies that flow from Izzie; the sweetness of my Lexie while we rock and rock and the way she sings; the quirky tenderness of Monson (yes, he's a very tender boy); the long tales, spunk and helpfulness of my McKenzie; and the passion and emotion of Brayden when I tell him "I'll love you forever, I"ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." He cries every time. And the deep devotion and passion of Curt...even when I appear to not appreciate it--I do.

What is your dream job? Besides being a wife to my one-and-only and mom to six? NOTHING. I will go back to school though and pursue another degree in time...I think knowledge and continued education is so important. But my job now trumps anything else I could ever do.

If you could invite 5 people to dinner dead or alive who would they be? Emma Smith (wife of Joseph Smith), Mary (the mother of Jesus), Reddin Allred (my ggg gpa and convert to the LDS church and friend of Joseph Smith), William McLaughlin (Curt's father), and I'd want Curt there too...so that makes five.

If could only eat one treat the rest of your life what would it be? Dark chocolate...in all its forms (plain, truffles, cakes, ice cream, fudge, etc etc). Can you tell it's been a a while since I've had it???? Can't wait until Valentine's Dessert!!!

Meet Our Cow

I was on the computer the other morn and I hear: "moo moooo, I'm a cow...., moo, moo I'm a cow."
Repeated several times..loud and soft with different expressive voices through the house. I look to see and it's Izzie with her PJ shirt pulled up and over her head halfway. She apparently looked in the mirror with all her expressive faces...and saw a cow. She makes me laugh! I darted for the camera (of course it was downstairs and I was upstairs) and once I got the video camera rolling this is how it went.

Izzie: "moo, I'm a cow..let me see mom, I wanna see me"
Me: No, honey..say your thing, it's funny. (She wanted to see herself in the camera.)
Izzie: "moo moo let me see LET ME SEE! Mom, I want to see!!!"

So I've learned with Izzie there are no do-overs. This is the picture I got of the do-over and it's just not as funny as the first cow she apparently saw in the mirror. I should have a video camera rolling in her room at all times to catch all her funnies cause man, there's a lot of them.

Vivie's Report Card

On Monday late afternoon the charge nurse informed me they were going to have to move Viviana to a triple-shared room (again) for the night due to a full-house and a need for a single room. After our little cockroach experience I fought the idea and pulled the x-micro-preemie card (afterall, they don't REALLY want to expose my already immunodeficient baby to other diseases with unscreened visitors for two other patients, not to mention the two other patients--you should have seen what types of people were walking the halls of this floor--yikes is a good description). I'm sure the charge nurse thought I was trying to be difficult. I did not let down on my position because I knew we were going to be discharged 12-15 hours later, given a good night without much wheezing. The last thing I wanted to do was move all our stuff. Anyone that has seen the way we make the hospital room our 'home' and move right in knows what I'm talking about.

Viviana was weaned off oxygen early Monday morning and so with decent stats, no wall-suction (deep lung or nasal), and no increased symptoms, we were home-free Tuesday morn.
Only one problem-Vivs needed the snot cleaned out of her nose to breathe right since she can't blow her nose. The hospital-issue little blue bulb syringes would have probably worked better basting a turkey. I have one at home that works like a charm and so with these issues stacked against us I pushed for a Monday night discharge--and got it, thankfully. We arrived home just in time to tuck my sweeties in bed and kick up my feet for a few minutes....and actually talk to Curt without tagging him to 'go'.

Vivs is being treated like an asthma patient with severe bronchialitis---no biggie until you see her chest cave during a struggle. I'm thankful for my nebulizer and the xopenex treatments she receives at home. That darn chronic lung disease!! If it's the worst thing that happens to her as a result of being a 26-weeker, I'll take it.

She had her G.I follow-up today with her hemangiomatosis. I'm proud to report that she is faring better than even the Doc expected. The ultrasound revealed that the hundreds of lesions/tumors on her liver have mostly either involuted or faded, with the exception of one large one. The kidney lesion appears to have involuted as well and so with nice lab results, there's no real reason for concern at this point with the hepatic involvement.

We need to visit with the Dermatologists because there are a few that have grown and are deep-rooted that may cause her problems--especially on her head that may indicate an obstruction in her brain. But that's an area the GI Specialist doesn't have any expertise in, so it was just her hunch which is just about as good as my 3-year-olds. We will still follow up with more imaging studies (ultrasound) in 3 months. Wheeww! When can I jump off this race and take a breath? My guess is never--I suppose I signed up for this marathon so bring it on--I like the positive results! Go Vivie!

This is Lexie taking part in Vivie's Xopenex treatments...gotta teach them young! And how happy is Vivie to be home??!!! That's the medicine, not puke on her chin...this time at least!

A Twisted Vacation

I suppose Viviana's 5 night hospital stay was a peculiar way to get a much-needed vacation. I don't know whether thank her for infusing more stress in our lives...OR NOT....After all, I did get some quiet moments away from the organized chaos at our home that I was so wishing for! Although the whole night of restful sleep was not part of the plan in the hospital and it came with its own stresses. It just came in a VERY different form than what I expected for my wish of a 'weekend away.'

Let me back up... Last week I told Curt I was DONE. Before I snapped, I needed a break. It has been since our Europe trip Nov. 2006 that I have escaped without children, had a full-night sleep, really stopped to fully relax without someone depending on me for something whether it's to wipe a face, a butt, a counter top, or puke off the floor. I needed a break from Curt traveling three weeks in a row and having sick kids in and out of the doc and ER. (I don't know HOW Marla does it with her hubby traveling constantly ...)! I really wanted to go away with Curt, but my mom was unavailable because of her husband's health issues to come play grandma to six and expecting anyone else to watch six kids is just too much to ask. So the next best thing was just going on my own...

Curt, being the supportive and wonderful husband that he is, completely agreed and told me to book something...somewhere... and that I could go Fri, Sat, & Sun. Say no more...I was on the computer planning. But not for long...

Apparently we got used to the game of parent 'tag' from our NICU days. As Curt walked in from his business trip, I walked out to rush Vivie to the Doc. After an hour and a half of being treated at the doctor, we were off to the hospital via ambulance with a subsequent 5 night hospital stay. So in a very twisted way, I got a break from my regular duties...even if I haven't seen my husband for 2 solid weeks! I still will go away for a few days whether it's with or without Curt. And that full night of sleep and pampering at the spa is still calling my name.

Still Here...The Battle of the Boredom

Thank you for all your prayers and well-wishes!

Vivie is in good spirits...now that I brought her toys in to battle the boredom! I think an 8-month-old DOES get bored--of staring at the hospital ceiling tiles for 4 nights straight. Who wouldn't? The most exciting thing in her room before was the beeping IntelliVue monitor detailing all her stats. Now she has a whistle in her tune despite the fact that she's not ready to go home yet. Her O2 has been beefed up to 100% as she is still struggling (with a smile on her face). Gotta love my Vivs! The deep suctioning is not working as effectively because her airways are so swollen that they can't pull up the junk in her lungs and chest the way they were able to before. She's a fighter and will get through this, but it looks like we're here for the long haul until she can let go of the o2 and suctioning of any kind. I'm thinking we'll still be starring at these hospital walls come Wednesday, which will make a week. Now I want to see Vivie make a liar out of me!

Curt figured out a battle for my boredom too--his computer with a wireless aircard (this hospital doesn't have WiFi that we can borrow on my computer, but Curt's aircard does the trick). So I get the internet now...hooray! I also brought in my crocheting from a year ago when I found myself on bedrest (can you believe it's been nearly a year since the Vivie drama started?!) Curt also made it more comfy during his 'shift' by getting our room switched to a private one. We were in the cold corner room with TWO other roommates--none of which spoke English, liked to watch the Spanish soaps and Spanish Judge Judy as loud as they possibly could while ignoring their sick babies. One of the moms even propped her 4 week old baby in front of the TV with Montel Williams blarring and repeatedly told the baby, "This is your show--watch it." AMAZING.

As I was cleaning up things ready to switch Curt on Friday afternoon, I lifted up a hospital blanket off the floor to find 2 nesting cockroaches. I'm sure they were mating to make more little nasty critters. So Curt took care of it and got our room switched right away to a private one with a patio which has made a world of difference not to have to deal with the inept mothers and unwanted noise out there! Thanks, honey! Oh, and ya want to know how the cockroaches made their way into a hospital? They found them in another room as well....and these twins happened to occupy both rooms at one point. They came in on their carseats, YES, people do let their babies live in filthiness and it just breaks my heart! They lived in Calexico---basically in Tijuana so go figure. Poor babies.

I didn't throw my camera in my boredom buster bag for the hospital so you can't see Vivie loving her toys with absolute glee on her face. You'll just have to imagine it. What a trooper.

Living at the Hospital

All day Wednesday Vivie was struggling to breathe normally, puked a half-dozen times because she couldn't catch a breath in between coughs and had pretty severe retractions. Curt came home from a two-day business trip that night so I took Vivie into the Dr. to be assessed.

So far it has turned into a 2 night escapade at Rady Children's Hospital instead! (with more nights to come---she's not consistently improving). Our pediatrician treated her Wednesday night and she persisted with deep retractions, very labored breathing, and low oxygenation. So, with all these things stacked up against her, the Dr. called 9-1-1 from the office to have Vivie transported by ambulance to Childrens' Hospital downtown so she could receive the proper care during the 45 minute ride. I've never followed my child in an ambulance before...that was a first.

Her chronic lung disease is just now showing off in a way we'd rather it didn't. She tested negative for RSV which is great, but the head Dr. seems to think the tech just didn't get a good swab because her symptoms are certainly worse than her roommate's who does have RSV. So either way, they treat the symptoms and she's been exposed (lovely) and is just hanging out on oxygen...still satting in the high 80's/low 90's, receiving breathing treatments and steriods every couple of hours as well as a deep lung suction.

I had my two-day, two-night fill of that hospital room so Curt and I are now playing tag so I can have a real bed tonight and take a breather---with 5 other kids. Who knew? It's easier and makes me less crazy to hang out with the 5 kids at home than with 1 couped up in a germ-infested hospital room for that long of a stretch. And it's less-stressful for Curt to sit in a hospital room where Izzie isn't needy for her daddy every 5 seconds and where he's able to get his paper work done, prepare his Gospel Doctrine lesson, etc. So we make a good tag-team.

It's still difficult for me to leave Vivie's side, but I hadn't seen my other kiddos since Wednesday evening and they need to know they still have a mom. I keep having to remind Curt that it's been much, much worse before with Vivie's health and to be grateful it's not a problem that would require surgery. And I'm a capable mom not on bedrest this time! It's still difficult to live the logistics of all of it though.

Dear Vivie is handling it....well, like a fighter. She's receiving oooh's and ahhh's from all the nurses & Doc's who think she's the cutest thing they've ever seen. She certainly looks like she's as healthy as a horse in these photos with her 'hospital issue' wardrobe, but when you listen to and watch her breathe you know there's issues. She sure lets us know when she's uncomfortable or doesn't like being restrained for her deep-suction and I think she holds grudges with the RT's (respiratory therapists) who do all the fun stuff on her. She was not able to tolerate the oral steroids---has thrown up several times. I want those nurses who repeatedly tried to administer them to her to taste the steroid for themselves and see why they leave Vivie's room with puke adorning their front-sides.! I tasted it....and I still feel like puking!

When they see this kind of severe respiratory illness in a x-micro-preemie they keep them hospitalized until they've been off of oxygen for 8 consistent hours, satting in the high 90's. She's far from that right now and we've been told a 5-6 day stay is not out of the ordinary for these cases. JOYS. One of us has to be by her side at all times--It's not like the NICU where she lived for her first 100 days. These nurses are not as attentive and have 3x the amount of patients. The parents do much of the 'nursing' and care so I'm thankful it's the weekend so Curt is free to help, but come Monday we'll probably have to call on some help with the little ones at home.

So I need to log off this time-sucker I call the computer and pay attention to the kids that just walked in the door. I'll post updates as she improves. For now, please keep her in your prayers. Now for sure I'll be ready for a weekend retreat without kids in the very near future--anyone else game? I think I deserve it....dang it! (smiles)

Beloved President Hinckley

Isn't this a great photo? I found it online --always such a joyful and happy man!

I can remember the passing of only four prophets in my lifetime---each are very vivid because each has meant so much to me. President Hinckley was the prophet for 12 of my 13 married-years and he always had unique, specific, and special counsel that has touched me, influenced me, and shaped me to choose the path that I am on today.

When my mom called me last night with the news of President Hinckley's passing I had a swell in my heart for this amazing man of God. I have no doubt that another will be called to be Prophet that is meant for this day and time, but what fond memories I will carry with me of our beloved Prophet, President Hinckley.

My first thoughts were shame on me for not braving Sunday session of stake conference with 6 kids (1/2 of them sick) a few weeks ago to hear our dear prophet address us in the satellite feed! My friend, Erin Uda, specifically said she was going to 'brave' it with her 3 because she didn't want to miss out on an opportunity to hear our prophet address us. Maybe I should follow Erin's example more often! I guess we're all human.

He will be missed for his wonderful sense of humor that could engage anyone whether 8 years old or 80! I will always remember the stories my Mom and Grandma & Grandpa Brower related of their friendship with President Hinckley and his visits to my Grandparent's home in Venezuela & Columbia while they were serving as Mission Presidents. My mom was just a teenager then. On one of these visits President Hinckley came out of his room and asked my Grandma if he could borrow her iron so he could press his shirt at the foot of his bed. She said she'd do it for him and he insisted on doing it himself. A tug-of war over the shirt ensued! Well, for those that knew my Grandma Brower and her spunk...enough said! President Hinckley finally gave in for fear that his shirt would be ripped in half by my Grandma's insistance and strength.

On another occassion, my mom came down to the kitchen and found President Hinckley by my Grandma's side helping her make breakfast. He was getting detailed lessons on how to correctly fry bacon! He told my Grandma that "Sister Hinckley doesn't know how to make bacon lay flat so I'm going to teach her!" What an incredible example of a servant of the Lord that does not expect to be waited on or served by others. I love him because, although he is mightier in spirit than most, he is so very humble and incredibly approachable and real.

His legacy of temple-building will go on to affect and influence generations of members and non-members alike. I especially enjoyed watching our church become 'public' in that President Hinckely was never afraid to lend a voice to the national media so many more have been exposed to the 'word' and to the face of this amazing man and peculiar people we call 'Mormons.'

He reached out to the members of the church by writing books specifically for our youth like "Standing for Something", "Stand a Little Taller" and "Way to Be" among others. I will always remember him for his "9 Be's" that are hanging in my kitchen. And I believe I will always try to be a little bit better of a person because of his challenges and example. I could go on and on....How wonderful that he can reunite with his dear Marjorie. He will be greatly missed and fondly remembered!

Trade Vivie for a dog or cat?

These pictures are from July '06 --Lexie's grown SO much since then! (It makes me sad!) But she still won't let me forget...

For the last 3 days Lexie and I have had this same conversation:

L- "Mom, why do we have to have a baby?"
me- What do you mean, Lexie, you don't want Viviana???
L- "No, I mean why can't we have a dog and a cat instead?"
me- And what do you want to do with Vivie?
L- "Well, I guess we can keep her and then get a dog and a cat too."
me- Lexie, we already had a dog in Utah and it ruined our yard and the big kids didn't take care of him.
L- "Well, then let's get a cat."
me- Cat's are smelly and leave hair all over.
L- "Oh. Well, I really want a dog or a cat. We're supposed to give loves to animals. Jesus said."

day 2
same as day 1 pretty much

day 3
She obviously has been thinking about this non-stop. Maybe they read a book at school about pets or something and poor Lex was the only little pre-schooler with no pet??? Just a hunch.

L- "Mom, okay, let's keep Viviana and get a dog. We can build a house for the dog inside the family room so it doesn't mess up the yard. "(me, laughing inside at her simple ingenuity). She thought a little longer..."or, let's take the trampoline out and build a dog house there so it has a place to sleep and stay. How 'bout that, mom? And then it won't mess up our yard!"

me- Lexie, how about a rabbit instead, with a cage?
L- "Well, can we love and hold the rabbit?
me- Yes, Lex, we can hold the rabbit and give it loves. I thought some more...Lexie, how about a fish?
L- "And can I hold and pet the fish?"
me- No, can't do that or it will die.
L- "I really just want a dog and a cat."

This little 3 year old REALLY wants a dog...or a cat. This mommie REALLY doesn't. I don't like indoor pets and the cat/dog hair is too much for me with Vivie. There's coyotes here too so a cat can't exactly live outside...what do you all think???? I'm thinking a rabbit would be better...or a fish. Or how about we call it good with Vivie! And they can visit dogs and cats at other people's homes. I know, I know, I just can't bear the thought of taking care of yet another living creature!

Patience Is A Virtue...and apparently I stink at it!

McKenzie left her rolling backpack and jacket on the floor in the hallway yesterday (I had just paid to have my house cleaned a few hours earlier and like to keep it that way for more than an hour...ya know???). I reminded her to put it away---twice. It found its way from the downstairs hallway, upstairs to my bedroom--in the middle of the room.

So I reminded her again. Then I walked past it for the umpteenth time, only to stub my pinky toe on the wheel. So I yelled and screamed this time--"Put your darn backpack away!"(except I said a bad word--one of my new years resolutions just broken--but pinky toe stubbing is ouchy and I'm a single mom this whole week so there's no one to run interference!!) Excuses, excuses. note..I really don't have a potty-mouth...I just swear occasionally & I'm trying to turn the occasionally into NEVER.

Then as I sat frustrated with myself and Kenz...head in my hands, here comes my 2-year-old Izzie. She softly lifted my head and with her finger pointing to me she gently whispered, "Have to be patient, mom... OK? Have to be patient. Then as she walked out of the room she yelled to me without looking back, "Can't yell at my sister, mom!!!$@^#***!!!!!"

My kids all do this--they have each others' backs when either Curt or I discipline or yell at one of them...it's like they gang up on us and remind us how to be calm parents...even though they're the ones doing all the things that make our blood boil in the first place. We'll just wait and see how it goes when they get to raise their packs of monkeys! I really am grateful they protect one another because when they're attacking each other I really know it's an 'attack of love' because they really do love each other. Or so I'll keep telling myself.

But I'm grateful for my Izzie who brought to light something I wouldn't have thought more about. I WAS being more than patient by my expectations, but Izzie's reminder made me understand how she sees it. I think she is a child of deep understanding and is definitely MY daughter for a reason. A two-year-old telling me to be patient? The fact that she even knows the meaning of the word is amazing. Yup, patience is a virtue and apparently that's something I still need some work at. Luckily, I have six kids who are constantly pushing my buttons and giving me the opportunity to develop that virtue...so I'm just sure I'll be a pro one day soon! Yup, that's right. A PRO, dang-it!

No More Wadded-Up Diapers

Don't you hate it when you have diapers in your purse that get juggled around like tennis balls and when you finally take them out to use them, it looks like they were thrown around, run over by a car, used a few times over, stomped on...hardly resembling a diaper anymore?

Maybe it's just me. Hmmmm....just maybe that's why we're supposed to use those massive and unattractive diaper bags that have specific pockets to store these needful things! Well, the 'bag tag' and subsequent purse cleaning pushed me to finally do this project. It has been on my radar and wait list for 6 months now and I finally got around to it. Of course, the laundry went un-folded and I had to go blind to the tornado that ensued around me, but I can cross this off my list...finally.

It's a diaper/wipe/desitin holder and changing mat. I stole the idea from my cute sis-in-law, Tallie, but with a different design. Now I can grab my clutch and head to wherever to change a poo-poo bottom and still have an new & intact diaper and actually find my wipes! My kids like to kype those and use them for random things like wiping down their bikes. Izzie gets into cleaning mode and takes them around the house to clean pretty much everything in sight--which I love about her--she's a great cleaner-upper. But I don't like my wipes missing-in action.

One side is lovely Amy Butler Lotus, the other is polka dot minkie. I had to improvise a little---ran out of my Amy Butler fabric because I designed this as I went along...so for you perfectionists, don't laugh--it works.

Daddy Dress-Up

Lexie & Izzie attacked Curt who was staying home from work sick...
They climbed up on him, styled his hair, pretended to put lipstick on him, fake-curled his eyelashes, put rubber bands on his wrists for bracelets and around his ears for earrings (every 'princess' needs jewelry).

Curt: "Why are you doing this to me?"

Lexie" "Because you are OUR girl--We have to feed you tea. I'm taking your temperature, Daddy. Here, drink more tea, you're sick."

Izzie runs in with a bigger comb and more rubberband bracelets & earrings to dress up Daddy.

I don't think we'll ever have to worry who will be the ones to take care of us when we're old and senile! What cute little Mommies and a patient Daddy to play along.

IT'S TIME!!!!

Having my sixth and LAST baby comes with so many wonderful up-sides....and a few downers. There's going to be a lot of 'lasts' with Viviana. I hope I can cherish her. I mean, I have had baby baby stage like forever now it seems. Some people plop out 3 month-ers at birth (Pam & Becky!!!) But it's an amazing feeling to know we're done...finally! The end! Two sets of children really...the first three are less than three years apart...and because Vivie decided to be a micro-preemie the last 3 are also less than three years apart. I've done my time. No more pregnancies! I've never enjoyed being preggers--really, I don't know who does. It rings in a new fresh feeling that we're done with the child-bearing phase of our lives. Now we just have to raise all these monkeys with gospel principles, values, lots of love & smarts in today's world. NO PROBLEMO! yeah right...and try to have some fun and a sense of humor along the way--quite an endeavor, I'd say.

But a big thing for me about having six kids in 10 years is that IT HAS REEKED HAVOC ON THIS poor, Poor, POOR 'OLE BODY OF MINE. I'm going to have to 2nd what my dearest friend, Marla said about being 30-something. (You have to go read her blog...she's a VERY funny writer---it's her coping mechanism I think).

So it's MY TURN! I've always managed to get back into shape with each child---it took much longer after Monson (he nursed the longest and apparently I become a chub when I nurse unlike most people--it's my curse). Now it appears as though the same thing happened with Vivie. I pumped for 7 long months for her until I just gave out. My body really likes this crazy fat and it doesn't want it to go away! It's not like I'm a little piggy though. I really do watch what goes in my mouth. I really do watch with glee every chocolate chip! hehehe

I try to exercise (okay...confession time...I haven't been back to the gym since bedrest almost a year ago)...OUCH. But there's a reason for that! I can't stand the thought of leaving Vivie in that daycare. Izzie and Lexie are fine, but I just know Vivie will get super sick if I leave her! But I do go through phases of walking my rear end off. Sure, come with me, try it...I dare you. I about killed Curt with the walk work out and I know Karyn and Malisa both think I rock (right, girls, you do, don't you?!)

I put Vivie in my trusty peanut shell sling and then strap the girls in the double Bob Revolution stroller with all their loot and off we go up and down the hills of San Elijo. I burn 500 cals every time and then I do weights when I come home. Okay, so I haven't really done it since Thanksgiving. But it feels so much better just talking about it! Today I strapped the girls in and walked Lexie to her dance class. I thought I was going to die and just couldn't bear the thought of pushing 100 +lbs plus wearing Vivie up those hills to come home. I pooped out and sweet Tammi who was there offered to take Lex home so I could stick Vivs in the stroller instead of WEARING her. (Thanks, Tammi!!!)

So this brings me to what this post is about (yeah, I know, get to the point already). IT'S TIME! It's time to do something more about my unwanted little friends and neighbors hiding out in my thighs, rear, love handles, belly and arms. When my kids tell me they want to see "my burrito" (you know, my belly) it pretty much means IT'S TIME. Seriously. I tried Jenny Craig and lost a few, but the holidays & peppermint bark got in the way! I'm telling you, my body likes where it's at and wants to keep the hiding friends it made over the last year.

The funny part is that obviously Vivie was born at 26 weeks so I didn't have the chance to get nice and round. I weighed 4 pounds more at her birth than I do now...EIGHT months later! Actually, it's not funny--it's downright wrong. There's a thinner, newer, spunkier Shay inside that needs to be let out! I just know what I'm comfortable with. And I'm not knocking or judging anyone else--everyone has her mojo and can be just fine and dandy in a different place. It's really not a vain thing. I just want to be my physical best that I can be for myself, Curt, and all the kids. I want to feel great in my own skin. I want to feel confident and fabulous. And I simply don't.

So I started this 'diet' called Dr. Cohen's 1st Personal Diet. This Doctor helps to restore hormone imbalances. This will also help my IBS and my kids will soon forget that mom toots. It's a plan geared just for me based on my metabolic panel I had drawn last week. And it's a very stringent, simple and a DIFFICULT deal. I saw the portions and what was 'prescribed' just for me and just about died. It couldn't be right! I'm certain this is what 'the stars' all do to slim down, besides the help from their personal trainers. At least it's all fruits, veggies, & proteins. No, seriously. I have to measure everything on a scale and for each meal it's spelled out. There are several options for each meal but for example for breakfast I can have 1 egg OR 2 egg whites and 45 grams of veggies.
So I can't photograph food. The blue plastic kids' IKEA plate doesn't help much to make it look appetizing either! It can be eaten in like 3 bites flat. That's how small the portion was. But I didn't feel hungry after I ate it either!

Lunch is 105 grams fish (I did tuna) and 120 grams of veggies. I chose tomato and my fav, cukes. Balsamic vinegar is my best friend right now. Don't you wish you could dine with me at lunchtime???

Dinner tonight was 115 grams of chicken, 105 grams of veggies. I made asparagus soup by liquifying the cooked chicken, asparagus, onions, garlic and homemade broth. My beloved crackers--it's such a random part of this plan! Have you ever noticed the different odor of your pee after eating asparagus? It's pretty potent and gross. I can't believe I just said that! It's true though. I know you're going to rush out and eat asparagus tomorrow.


I can have 3 fruits a day and 12 low-sodium saltine crackers. Random, I know. No oils, butters, no breads, no milk. Just fill up with plain water or herbal teas--diet coke, diet pepsi and diet sprite in moderation. Surprisingly it's do-able and I haven't felt hungry on it. I feel vibrant and hopeful. We'll see how cranky I am come the weekend! I just don't know how I'm going to EVER eat out on this. Sack dinner, here we go! We'll just have to be more creative for our Friday dates.

It's so drastic, but my body needs to be shocked into figuring out that it really doesn't want to keep these little friends hiding around my waist and all. SO, when I don't come hang out for dinner or take you up on your invitation to go out to lunch for the next few months--this is why. I'm dead serious about getting rid of my baby & nursing friends once and for all--never to return again! The kids need a healthy, happy momma and I'm sure Curt won't mind sleeping next to the former Shay! Wow, that was a long post. I need to chill out on being so verbose.

Dump Your Bag Tag?

Who would've thunk it----dump your bag because of a tag! My Beantown sis-in-law tagged me, so now you can all see which little trinkets, odds and ends call my purse 'home.'..if you cared in the first place!

I haven't cleaned it out since before Christmas and found some 'treasures'...so thanks for the tag so I could make my way to the bottom of my cute black toile & polka dot bag! I don't like traditional diaper-bags so I searched to find something neutral that fit me on a budget. It's a no-namer, by the way, homemade by a stay-at-home mom that I found on etsy...gotta love that marketplace! Maybe someday I'll open a store on etsy. But for now...here's what finds its home in my darling bag of tricks:

Are you sure you want to take a peak???

Yeah, I know you wonder how the heck all that could be shoved inside this bag?!

• 3 diapers for my Vivs and Iz (oh when will my 2-year-old potty-train???)!

• formula dispenser
• (wipes are missing,by the way-probably on the floor of my car, which is WAY worse than my purse!!!!)
  

• sunglasses

tampon/pad cause I know you wanted to know.

wallet with zero cash, planner stuffed to the hilt, pouch with insurance cards and 'club' cards

• Costco receipt and coupon book

• UPS receipt from sending back Vivs's defective swing

• Receipt from Dr. appt.

• French Pastry cafe menu--from a Kenz/mom brunch outing--YUM fruit tarts!

• nifty brush/mirror..random blue comb

• fruit leather and nutri-grain bar (trusty snacks on-the-go)

• trident gum

• my favorite verbena lemon Bath&BW lotion-so fresh

• baby tylenol

• baby magic lotion

• Vivie's rattle/teether

• bulb snot catcher

• paci-holder

• socks that belong to one of the girls

• sweet crocheted mary janes my mom made

• Ricola

• misc. hair clippies & rubberbands

• ocean spray

• assorted MAC lipglass & liner--yeah! found one I thought was missing!

• eyelash curler and mascara

• schedule to read the standard works in a year (which hasn't made it out of my purse since church...uh..2 weeks ago)--I think last year's reading was plenty! I'll stick to the BofM
  

I'm out of breath! That was a lot of stuff in one bag!

..and the bottom of the barrel...which I haven't seen for a few months...lots of Ricola wrappers, heart nail file, crumbs and change.

Thanks for the tag so my bag got a swift cleaning!

...and now I tag Brooke Baker, Amy Timmerman, & Rachel Hazen!

Happy Vivie

Vivs has been jabbering like McKenzie used to (and still does). Curt swears she's saying 'dada' --I still haven't heard it but we we'll let him think that's her first word...

She likes to knaw on her fingers until they're raw and grabs me and tries to eat my face or grabs my hand and attempts to shove my fingers in her mouth. She won't hold onto a teething ring for too long and doesn't yet roll over to get it when she loses it.

The doc wanted me to wait until her 9-month check up to start solids. But we decided to give it a whirl today--she just turned 8 months last week so her adjusted age is 5 months.

I attempted to give her rice cereal while she was in her exersaucer...and she just discovered she can bounce and twirl in it. I gave her a bite and she bounced with excitement. Another and she squealed with glee...I don't know if she enjoyed her rice cereal or bouncing in her exersaucer more! Vivie has her next liver ultrasound on the 25th and her GI appt on Feb. 5th so stay tuned for her progress report!

The House That Somebody Else Built

I have to remind myself why we bought this home....often. Don't get me wrong...I'm grateful to be here in dreamy-weather-land, AKA San Diego (we PAY for it though-I could buy a new car with the taxes we pay every year--or just pay off our current one in less than a year). I'm thankful that Curt is employed and that his income pays most the bills, but I still miss SOOO many things about our Utah home that I have to remind myself WHY we bought this particular home. It may sound like a snotty statement, especially to those who have never owned their own homes. This is #4 for us, and it's the only one we didn't build and choose options in. It's a resale and it has just never felt like ours. (Although, I've always dreamed of buying an old home, renovating, and discovering vintage fireplaces, staircases, etc). But this is different.

Curt had been working in San Diego for 3 long months before we moved the family in April '06. It was a race against time and I was done being a single mom. It was the only one on the market at the time that had the wide-plank hand-scraped hickory wood floors I so desperately wanted and it doesn't hurt that the there's a peek ocean view from the master balcony....and it wasn't a million gazillion dollars like the rest of them--well, almost. The turret has great entry style not to mention the 20 foot ceilings (not so great though when painting them). Curt's office is away from the main part of the house so he has a retreat of his own when he needs to put himself in time-out (just kidding--but not really). Mice only live in the garage some of the time, and we're not infested with termites or mold...yet. None of the kids have been killed or injured living on the corner (it's a cul-de-sac street on both ends) and the hotel-grade Vegas-style carpeting on the stairs has really grown on me....plus it will last 25 years. We have five bathrooms, so almost all potty-trained McLaughlins can go in-sync without a huge line (I don't have to sit on the boys disgusting toilet seat--they're not straight-shooters)...but the toilets do get plugged quite often...we'll blame that one on the boys. We have a huge outdoor fireplace and courtyard off the formal dining room (again, which we use twice a year) with a fountain for ambiance with soooo much potential (that we hardly ever use), double ovens (that we use once a year), and an extra large bedroom with a dreamy Juliette balcony for the little girls to take over and play mommie to their babies, pollies, and barbies...and make 'denna' in their pbk kitchen for all their guests. We really do have a lot of reasons to rejoice...

Really, it's just that we KICK ourselves for not thinking of renting for a while before the market declared itself. I couldn't bear the thought of moving then five children and all the goods TWICE and to be in limbo for an unknown period of time...as renters. It's not that renting is a bad omen, it's just that we've owned a home since 1997 and our thought process was that it would be like going backwards...so we just didn't consider it. Egg on our face now! And so yes, we bought at the peak of the 2006 market here in San Diego and have watched in horror as home values dropped at least 11% in the last year - probably a tad more in our area. It's a sore subject for me, no doubt. Bye, bye equity and really large down payment down the toilet for now.

I guess the real issue is that we recently found 'OUR HOME' ...at least the one we were originally looking for two years ago that didn't exist on the market. You know, the one that fits our family's needs, desires, and tastes perfectly and would have been financially do-able if we still had that great equity and down payment. We're talking 1/3 acre (you just don't find acreage like that in SD North County in a planned development), fantastic neighborhood, privacy, huge backyard, 4100 square feet of NEW greatness, main floor master suite, laundry room that's NOT an entrance from the garage, bonus room for the kids that we can lock them IN along with the xbox, karaoke, guitar, piano, etc; a huge gourmet kitchen complete with GE monogram top-of-the-line appliances, 3rd car garage---along with all the great features we currently have (minus the ocean view). So, because there's no way for us to swing it currently being SUNK in our home, dreaming a little never hurt anyone!

So I'm beginning 2008 focusing on completing the vision I had of this most wonderful home at 1497 Glencrest in the beginning--the house with a lot of panache and style...and make it OURS. Knowing there's no pregnancies in the wings...knowing that I NEED projects to be a sane person, and knowing that OUR HOME with everything we wanted 2 years ago really isn't an option now unless I win the lottery tomorrow which would be a miracle since I've never played the lottery. Maybe I'll start tomorrow. SIGH.... So I'm going to rejoice in this place on Glencrest...you know, the house that somebody else built, but the house in which we call home.

This will be the year of sewing drapes, installing more closet organizers, doing finish-work, decorating the kids rooms and putting my spin on this house like I did our Utah home. I will attempt to spiff-up our home and make it OURS...take ownership and complete the vision of the Glencrest home with a lot of panache and potential. The list is drawn and it's LONG. Now I just need some moolah and fairy dust to make it happen. Stay tuned. Only time will tell how ambitious I will be.

A Birthday Comedy

While making the perfect birthday dinner for Curt, Izzie comes home with a foreign object (polly pocket shoe) shoved up her nostril. She's not too alarmed...still dancing around wondering why she's sneezing every 2 seconds. Dr. Mommie puts down the large serving fork and performs surgery (that same fork just about made it into her nose instead of the tweezers----yum). ER averted..wheeew!

Curt came home from running one of our kids somewhere and went across the street to gather the kids...then UNgracefully tumbles down the Parry's porch stairs, twists his shoulder, gouches his leg, and bonks his head, then limps home with his pride in his back pocket. Happy Birthday, honey. Try watching where you walk next time.

After Curt stumbles home he walks in and the little girls greet him with, "You want some cake?" Before he can answer, they both reach up to the island and just dig their little hands into the cake and pull out a handful...for their daddy to try. YUM. Who needed a pretty cake anyhow? Nothing that a little frosting can't fix.

Curt looks bewildered and outloud wonders 'WHY' when he opens an electric air pump. "Why would I need that when there's Sean across the street who can pump up the kids' balls & tires?" I just gave him an evil stare and said "You're welcome for the useful and very thoughtful gift." (and then jokingly told Bray to go hide the 'big gifts'--the ipod and digital frame, because he didn't deserve them)!

Izzie & Lexie fight over the gifts and who is going to open the next one, (They think it's theirs because it's wrapped in purple), and WHY, when they open it up and it's a dress shirt they look so puzzled that "this is not mine, where's my present, mom!" "No, sweetheart, we don't have Christmas every month."

I labor over a nice dinner and get it all on the table and a quarrel ensues over who sits where and "that's not my job" is the only thing I hear from my monkeys when asked to set the table. Curt is so upset at the kids' attitudes that he has to walk out to avoid saying something he doesn't mean...on his birthday. (The ONLY thing he told the kids he wanted for his birthday was for everyone to get along and there to be NO arguing!) Apparently we got him gifts instead. Then the kids remind me that I said I wasn't doing another big homemade dinner again--just a few short weeks ago (see Christmas Eve post). I should have been the one to walk out.

I place all 39 candles in the yummy homemade cake (with a to-die-for ganache) and just as I light the last one with a quick puff Curt blows them out forgetting that on birthdays we first sing and then get the camera ready. Oh well, no pictures to prove he's actually 39. Maybe he wanted it that way. Guess birthday routines are hard to remember when they happen EIGHT TIMES A YEAR AT OUR HOUSE! Next year, I'll remember to remind him how it goes. (Good thing Curt has a sense of humor and can laugh at himself as I poke fun).

Lexie & Izzie attack Brayden, who is more than 3x their age and wrestle him to the ground...Izzie at the back end has his pants pulled down to his knees, therefore, MOONING all of us in the family room, while Lexie is sitting on his head pinning him to the ground. What a sight! And this boy plays football? My girls are much, much stronger than my boys. No, the camera wasn't ready to go for the bribery pictures..darnit! I want a do-over! We were all rolling laughing so hard.

After being tucked-in for the night, Lexie commissioned Izzie to do her dirty work and beckon Dad (they know I won't oblige) from the top of the stairs for something for them to eat and drink. Didn't I just make a yummy huge meal? See, what's the point when oatmeal and a sippy with chocolate milk is what they want anyway. Lesson learned...again. BTW, she was wearing a Roman hat, and had a sword...really. I guess maybe she thought mommie was going to come instead...smiles....

And as I'm writing this the morning after, I have 4 kids who are screaming at each other--Mons is crying on the ground at the bottom of the stairs having just been pushed down from the top by McKenzie (I guess Monson's related to his Dad). I'm getting yelled at by Iz and Lex to help them get dressed while Iz is pulling my hair trying to style it in her 2-year-old way. Izzie has chocolate frosting and ice-cream all over her body and cake crumbs are strewn from one end of the house to the other. (What's wrong with cake & ice cream for breakfast?) Yes, I'm trying to ignore my children and have tunnel vision so I can finish this post instead. Where are my priorities!!! And WHY do the kids have 3 weeks off school for Christmas??? Obviously the person who designed that certainly doesn't have children. And it's only 9 am...I can tell it's going to be a L O N G day. Gotta go figure out a plan to keep six monkeys busy before one mommie goes insane. I LOVE my children...no really, I do.

When She Dances....

When Isabella dances it turns my world into a more joyful place. I can just see it now... In 60 years when I'm senile & fragile on my deathbed I will say, "Dance for me, Izzie!" to get one last smile in & to be in MY happy place. (Of course, I'm forgetting, that she'll also be a ripe 62!) Seriously, she just makes me laugh and has the ability to turn a sour day into a sweet one--when she dances! Part of our nighttime routine now is to watch Izzie dance so we can all smile. She even manages to sneak in an 'Elaine' (from Seinfeld) move here and there sometimes--you've gotta see her in person au natural without the camera rolling...Miss Joyful Izzie. Love it! (In this video she takes a minute to warm up...after she ditches her cheerleader baby doll and it's not her best work, but still my ever-spunky Isabella!) My girls just all are attracted to that darn bedpost! Time for a new bed. This is an innocent post.

2007 Revelations

• My leather sofa isn't that comfy...and now there's a 'Shay indent' in one side of it from lying on it while on bedrest for 3 long months. Hint, hint...I need a new sectional, please.

• We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.
  

• It's harder to be on the receiving end than the giving end.

• When family is not around, friends pick up the pieces and fill in the gaps.

• FAITH, FAITH FAITH.
  

• The hardest day in my life was letting go of my Izzie & Lexie (then 1 and 2) as I watched them drive away to Utah for six long weeks during a portion of my bedrest...with the unknown ahead of me. They were with the next best thing to mom....beloved 'Ama', but still the toughest six weeks of my life.
  

• I am amazingly blessed and loved.

• Simple pleasures are great...like peeing in the toilet, not in a bedside commode.

• Say hello to Dr. Pepper! Caffeine isn't all bad, apparently. Vivie had high doses of it while just days old for about a month (to help with apnea episodes).
  

• Hospital food, well...just plain sucks.
  

• Miracles happen, but sometimes they require sacrifice.

• Proverbs 3:-5-6. Go read it.
  

• Life is so very precious.
  

• C-sections are for the birds. But narcotics are yummy.
  

• Heavenly Father sustains and is merciful.
  

• The power of the priesthood is real...not a revelation to me, but to the nurses who watched

• The kangaroo hold is magical.

• How to develop even more faith.
  

• Curt is capable of being a single mom.

• When life deals you lemons...make lemonade.

• Narcotics are yummy--oh, did I already say that?
  

• Curt is a VERY patient man...
  

• I could run in circles with Neonatologists, RN's & PA's...and understand & speak the medical jargon.
  

• Learned how to crochet.

• Laptop computers are the worlds greatest convenience...next to comfy mattresses.

• Ab muscles are over-rated anyway.

• NICU nurses are angels on earth, well, most of them.

• Figured out how to handle a home & six kids while driving 1 1/2 hours RT to the hospital to be with Vivie for 100 days. Or maybe I handled it the best way I knew how.
  

• How great it is to pray while lying down. Haven't kicked that method yet.

• Music speaks to me.

• Soduku is kind of fun.

• Foot-rubs are even more fun.
  

• Being a mom is the best calling there is. It's also the most demanding, nail-biting, hair-pulling, most frustrating and under-appreciated calling there is.
  

• How to juggle in a circus...I mean six kids.

• Not a good idea to fly with three girls under 3 years old...solo...while engorged...without a pump.

• Cuddles & loves are NOT over-rated.
  

• Walking is an amazing privilege.

• Eyesight is a beautiful gift.

• Learned how not to flinch at million-dollar hospital bills. Yes, that is plural.

• Laughter is the best medicine...unless it makes you hemorrhage more.
  

• I love photography.

• Blogging is the best form of journaling...and I'm kind of addicted.
  

Happy 2008...here's to NO more pregnancies (yay! Our family has all arrived!), no more hospital stays, MANY more reasons to laugh, moving on to the next phase in life in '08. Looking back, it seems I had a very large share of spiritual things to experience in '07. What a journey it's been!