and have children of your own...
It will be payback time.
We will come visit your homes all of the time.... AND
- We're going to gather all the shoes in your house and have your kids leave them just inside the front door so you trip.
- We're going to teach your kid how to eat all your granola bars and leave the wrappers all over the house.
- We're going to complain, "I don't like this dinner" before we even taste it.
- We're going to feed your kids all kinds of sugar... right before we leave so they're bouncing off the walls.
- We'll convince them that flossing is overrated so you end up having to pay thousands on root canals and fillings.
- We're going to bring drums and instruments, and noisemakers of every kind... so they can share their talents with you 24/7.
- We're going to shower and then leave all our towels on the floor in a giant pile... and then add the clean ones to the pile.
- We're going to show the kids how to put toothpaste on their toothbrushes and then leave them under the sink until the ants get to them.
- We're going to give them water right before bed so you have to get up at 2 am to take your three-year old potty.
- And we'll be sure to bring legos with us and then dump them all over the floor in the hallway so that at 2 am when you're rushing to take your three year old to the potty in the dark you step on them you scream 'damnit' really loudly.
- We're going to get every bowl out of the cupboard, and pour cereal and milk into them... and then walk away leaving them on the table to waste.
- We will break all your pencil sharpeners for you.
- We will draw on all your printer paper and leave the caps off the markers to dry out and make sure to leave all the mess on the floor.
- We will bring an electric pencil sharpener with us and sit in front of the TV and sharpen them one after another while you're trying to watch the news.
- We will buy your kids rootbeer and let each one open his/her own can, take ONE sip, then set it down on the table never to return again.
- We will give them otter pops and make sure they leave their sticky wrappers in the garage or all over the ground outside.
- We will take all the utensils and plates and cups outside in the backyard and garage... and leave them until you find them a few months later.
- We will take your itouch and make sure your kids hide it in obscure places and then say "just kidding" when you find it 3 weeks later.
- We make certain they chant and throw tantrums unless you let them have their way.
- We will make your older child hit your younger one and then blame it on the middle one.
- We will dress your kids with their undies on backwards.
- We will buy five balloons and let them float to the top of the ceiling so you can listen to them scream and cry for their dumb balloons.
- We will take your kids to the library and check out 42 books at once and make sure they stick them in their backpacks and loose them in their rooms... and find them 4 months later so you have to pay the overdue fees.
- We will watch movies with lots of buttery popcorn and make sure they spill at least half of it on the carpet. Once the movie is over, we will make sure they know how to dump the old maid kernels in the disposal, jamming it up so you have to fix it.
- We will go to In & Out and buy everyone shakes, burgers and animal style fries, and then tell them they can only eat about half, and then show them how to stuff the rest in the crevices of the seats and mush it into the floors of your car and leave it there for you to find when the car starts smelling rancid.
- We will let your kids play hide and seek with your car keys.
- We will put your kids in your car to play around and leave all the lights on so in the morning your car battery is toast. And they're late to school.
- We will come and chant in your ear every morning to see what the weather is going to be like.
- And we'll make sure to dump our suitcases out in the middle of the guest bedroom and we'll make sure they puke all over your favorite quilts and onto the carpet so you have to clean it up.
- And in the middle of the night, we'll teach them how to pick their noses and leave boogers on the wall... the kind that only can be sanded off.
- We'll show your kids how to play dress up with your shoes and your makeup-- until they're utterly ruined.
- And we'll make sure to teach them how to dip the toilet paper in the toilet water and suck on it when they're thirsty.
- And with just one special little one... we'll make sure she wipes poop all over herself from head to toe and then continues to finger paint the walls and floors with poop just so you have the joy of raising yourself.
We cracked ourselves up with this list
of just a few things you guys have done..
But we promise to love them just the same.
