A New Reality

What do all of these things have in common?

* A purple sparkly moving truck * A pink house * lots of friends to play with * A pool * good school * A church primary where they don't always sing wiggly songs * A church where the bathrooms work * bigger backyard * dance lessons * sports teams * bigger trampoline *

Don't they just sound so lovely?  I especially love the first two.

Requests from all of the kids...

This is the reality I was referring to that I'd rather not think about...

But truly, even after this post months ago, I feel calm; I'm okay with it.  But then again, we felt fine and calm and good about staying here too.  But it's almost a blessing in disguise even though I negotiated a killer modification on our first loan.  I truly thought we had ironed out the biggest kinks and that we'd sealed our future here in San Elijo.  

Even IF the decision hadn't just been made for us...even IF I actually did have a say in it (I didn't)...even IF the 2nd lender didn't just mess my plan royally and pull a major fast one...even IF we didn't have over 100K of our hard-earned cash sunk into this home...even IF we still try to milk our time here in this home that I have thrown my heart into, it wouldn't take away the fact that our home is still worth nearly $300,000 less than what we bought it for three years ago.  Yes, you read it right, nearly 300K big ones with no signs of improvement.  So, it's almost a blessing in disguise, even though we would have never made this exact decision without so rudely being forced to.  Or at least, that's one part that helps this blow feel a little better.

I feel like in the end Heavenly Father doesn't care how we accomplish his purposes, what ward, stake, neighborhood, school we are in....if we own a home or rent one... it might take away some of my personal JOY.  I know those things seem particularly important right at this moment, but in the end, the bigger picture has to be our focus.  

Our blessings...we have our health, our family is intact, we have our faith, and of course lots of hope that we'll be led in the right direction.  In the end it's important that we've learned to sacrifice, that we've built character and faith through our trials, that we've served one another, that we've taught our children well, that we have chosen Him.  Having to walk away from my home and the joy therein breaks me into pieces for a moment, but the bigger picture prevails!  And besides, Curt hasn't lost his job...it may be a tough economy, but we have that huge security even if it may be tough to make ends meet in this messed up state.

...and sometimes having no part in the decision is precisely how some of the best situations are born.  What I may view right now as lemons, can really be a delicious lemonade (okay, that was a lame analogy).

The bigger picture is what we have to focus on.    I will never go down without a fight and knowing that I have done everything humanly possible to avoid like what may seem right now as an awful reality is actually a comfort.  But there is light at the end...there is a sense of relief as the burden of a huge debt will be lifted...we will finally be able to save for more than a couple of rainy days... 

Say hello to no property taxes....no HOA fees for a while... I think I can live with this.  

Where?  we'll see.  San Elijo is out... a dollar per square foot isn't in the new budget.  

Temecula?  Vista?  Fallbrook?  Stay tuned.

Quirky Girls, Songs & Stories

It's been a LONG couple of days.  Lots of crazy twists and turns...news and realities soaking in that I'd rather not face.  Oh, how I'm grateful for my Isabella Daisy because every night when I put her in bed I can always count on a smile and a laugh...and the feeling of deep gratitude for the simple things.  I can always count on a vibrant and full-of-life (arm movements and flamboyant drama included) impromptu and original song or two that includes a message about rainbows, sparkles, temples, loving mom, the beach, and more sparkles...because everything is simply sparkly through Izzie's eyes.  She always brings a smile & deep laugh to my day, and complete joy to my heart.  The bright side of things through a child's eyes.  I can always count on my Izzie to give me a lift and to help me see the simple beauties in life through all of the crud and smut we wade through as adults.  

The quirk I should never ignore.... Lexie was utterly exhausted last night and conked out before I had the chance to hear her little stories and to sing songs with her.  So I tenderly cuddled her, but of course she didn't remember it...  

Fast forward to 1:45 am.  She wakes up with a grudge...so upset remembering that she fell asleep without her stories and songs.  She screams for me in utter disgust and disappointment.  I'm a heavy sleeper (thank heavens).  So Curt wakes me up and I sleep-walk into her room and throw myself on her bed to tell her I already cuddled with her, but that she was asleep already. 

Not good enough.

So I lay half asleep waiting to listen to her middle-of-the-night story.  Only she won't tell it because my eyes aren't open and she wants my full attention. I literally cannot open my eyes.  I couldn't even pick myself up to walk to my own bed at this point!  So I lie there...and I remember waking up again at 3:45 am with Lex folding her arms in disgust staring me down and begging me to open an eye and watch her tell her simple little story.   TWO HOURS she sat there unwilling to cuddle because my eyes weren't open to listen to her. I was somewhere in a REM cycle.  Somehow I manage to pry one eye open, listen for 2 minutes, she finishes, I tuck her in...and off to sleepy land for a few more hours.  

Lesson learned.  Again.  She remembers and has certain standards and expectations...but she values her mommie.  She lives and breathes for me the same way I do for her.  She wants to be heard with care and attention.  Let's hope those same high standards and expectations transfer to every aspect of her life and carry us through teenagehood!  Caffeine, anyone?

Noteworthy...

So I've been busy!  I've lost my zeal for blogging for the moment... and the farther behind I fall on documenting all of our noteworthy events, the harder it becomes to sit my fanny down and move my fingers on that keyboard.  So in an effort to be less verbose and to catch up, these are the little noteworthy happenings and memories within the last 6 weeks or so!

Noteworthy...

In April...Curt's first pinewood derby as the Cubscout Master.  Monson didn't place...pounding those wheels in at the last minute with the closest 'tool' I could find (a shoe) just wasn't Indy-worthy. But we all had a great time and his car at least looked cool!  I think part of the reason was because this year the committee decided to have the movie, 'Cars' playing in the back of the cultural hall with a little popcorn party and coloring fest for all the little ones that would have otherwise been trying to pull the track down and making all us moms crazy.  I don't think I even saw my little ones much that evening.  And we had a fabulous potluck!  Why are all of us usually late to the derby? Well, besides the cars getting their last coat of spray paint 10 mins before race time?  Because we are all rushing out the door trying to shove something down our kids throats to make it to the weigh-in on time so as not to be disqualified, right?  So pizza, salads and chili was the perfect solution to get everyone there on time.  Curt's doing a great job as Cub Master and I'm not that biased.

the crowds showed up

kid Cars & coloring party

the pitstop

cool decorations

Vivie wearing the decorations...

whoosh!

everyone got an award

Noteworthy...

Lexie's first birthday party with friends!  She invited 23 kids...and 22 little princesses, princes, jesters, and knights showed up all ready for the Royal Gala!  I'm still recovering from all the planning, prep and sheer exhaustion of the event!  Lexie truly felt like the princess that she is and really likes this idea of people coming over to celebrate her and bringing her oodles of pretty little presents.  Too bad for our kids we only do 'real parties' at ages 5, 8, 12, and 16. That's quite enough for one momma to orchestrate.

The Royal Court

making treasure bags for our dragon egg hunt

The princes, princesses, knights and jesters loved blasting the good-natured dragon (Monson) with water balloons!

all set up for high tea

lovely menu of heart sandwiches, chocolate covered & glitter strawberries and pretzels, doritos, cheese cubes, grape skewers & apple juice.

Viviana is a princess too

Story telling with the King!

and darling Princess Isabella Daisy

The kids loved the glitter relay race

...and freeze dance was a fave

and of course, no princess party is complete without castle cupcakes

hand made princess wands and swords as part of their take home goodies

Noteworthy...

Viviana had her 'developmental' Dr. appt last week and came away with flying colors.  We thought that for her age she was really struggling with her language skills...but apparently our other kids and some of the kids she associates with in nursery are just ahead of the curve.  Viviana is pretty much right on target in speech, language, motor skills, and cognitive development.  I don't know why we expect anything different anymore.  

Her latest noddies:  Stripping to her birthday suit and parading around the house.  Duct tape doesn't work with her--where there's a will there's a way.  She loves being free and then the inevitable always happens.  She makes puddles.  Lots of them.  We use a lot of lysol in our house.  I can't keep my silly little 2 year old in diapers and she won't actually pee on the potty. Noddy, noddy, noddy.  To help with all her food messes, she got a cute little working vacuum for her birthday.  Perhaps she needed a mop too.  Nothing wrong with teaching them self-reliance and the value of work at the age of two!  

oops!  Streaking again!  And no, that is not a milk dud protruding from her back contrary to popular opinon...

her bday cereal of choice was fruit loops this year

awaiting her last minute bday cake

adoring her daddy

so she loves chocolate

and is very expressive

dig in!

singing 'happy birthday to vivie' over and over and over

what a bright idea! a working vacuum!

'Mine'

Noteworthy...

Lexie is refusing to stay little even though I poke and prod her about not growing up all the time.  She is registered for Kindergarten and went through her torturous shots.  She's on the wait-list for the morning class (it's 1/2 day), but either way she's looking forward to being 'big' and walking either to school with the kids or home with the kids.

Lexie also informed me that she wants FIFTY kids when she grows up.  I asked her what she's going to do with FIFTY kids?  She said, "I'm going to love them and I'm bringing them all to your house!"  Oh, lucky Grandma!  Izzie and Lexie sing this little song I sang when I was a little girl, "When I Grow Up I Want To Be A  Mother"...it's extra cheesy, it's silly and it's fun and it's their favorite song.  Singing it with true drama and expression is part of our nighttime routine...every night at their request.  Maybe that's why Lexie wants fifty kids.  She is my little lover girl.

Noteworthy...

Brayden has his 2nd Class in Scouts and is two requirements away from his 1st class.  He's not even 12 years old yet...can you say Eagle at 13???  He already knows what he wants to do for his project.  Oh, and he's a straight A student.  Perfect 4.0 all year so far.  At the beginning of the year we told him that if he gets a 4.0 all year that he'll get a laptop.  Ooops.  I think we'll be resurrecting our laptop for him next month. Good thing I didn't say 'new laptop!'  

Noteworthy...

I spent a fun-filled, much needed bonding weekend with my mom at BYU's Women's Conference.  We learned a lot, walked a lot, sat a lot, ate a lot, shopped a lot, played a lot...and came home needing to sleep a lot.  Thank you, Mom, for the memories! (Even though we didn't take many photos!)

Dear Lizzy Bistro...fun girly spot

Shiny faced-Shay & my cute momma

Noteworthy...

Last week's Mother/Daughter activity with McKenzie was super fun & creative.  We learned how to make bold tissue paper flowers, duct-tape purses, candy leis, and pressed flower cards. Our Activity Days Leaders really do a superb job exploring talents and teaching new skills.  I had to miss a big night for my new stake public affairs calling (crystal apple awards), but it was worth it to spend it with you, Kenz!

Noteworthy...

I had the most perfect Mother's Day ever filled with handmade cards, the best kid coupons , lots of hugs and loves, even early-out church due to plumbing issues in our building (we were there for the most important part)!!  Breakfast in bed with mom has become a beloved kids' tradition.  And they're sure to make breakfast x 6 really...and then everyone eats it vying for positions next to me while I get a bite or two.  Simple and sweet... And after early out church we headed to the beach to relax as a family and take in the ocean blue, perfectly salted air and warm sand.  I can't think of a better day with my family.  

TWO is a sweet word

At 10:34 a.m. two years ago

I thought that...

I had loved

I had felt joy

I had cried tears

I had seen miracles

I had known random kindness

I had felt love

I had experienced true hope & faith

I had been humble

I loved my husband & family

I knew so much

My heart was so full.

And at 10:35 am this tiny angel girl

our 1 lb. 12 oz.  baby doll

came into our lives

And then, even with all the unknowns, 

I understood...

that there's no love quite like the love for your own baby fighting for every little breath--

I understood...

why I had never cried quite like that

that I'd never seen a tender mercy & true miracle quite like her

that people are mostly wonderful, kind people...

that I had never felt hope to that extent

that I had never been humbled to the core...

that I had loved my husband,

but nothing like I loved him as the father of ALL our children

that I knew nothing and everything all at once;

that my heart would just burst from the joy and the heartache,

the trials, and all the goodness, 

the daily miracles 

and prayers answered...

I understood...

that the Lord's will would prevail...

and I was prepared to let her go if it was His will.

but it wasn't her time...we needed this miracle and she needed a body.

and as time went on and the milestones were reached, 'overjoyed' wouldn't even describe my feelings...

And my heart kept growing, and growing and growing...

Our baby girl has brought so much indescribable joy to our lives.

I had no idea.

Thank you, thank you for picking me to be her Mommie...

Thank you for granting us this miracle and allowing us to raise, love, and experience this amazing little girl grow.

Happy, Happy 2nd Birthday, 

my Viviana Faith. 

Always my Baby.

 

Always my reminder that 

where hope and faith grows...

miracles do blossom.